The Whole Shebang

Ep. 14 - Embracing Discomfort and Growth: A Candid Conversation with Jake Luehrs

December 20, 2023 Jen Briggs Season 1 Episode 14
The Whole Shebang
Ep. 14 - Embracing Discomfort and Growth: A Candid Conversation with Jake Luehrs
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Jake Luehrs and I have worked together in some capacity just over eight years. What a journey. There’s been a whole lot of evolution as individuals, in our organization and in how we work together. It’s safe today that personal and professional growth is a North Star for us, so it’s no surprise we’re talking about it in this episode.

Currently owner and operating principal of four Keller Williams offices in the twin cities area with close to 800 real estate agents, Jake's passion lies in developing leaders and helping others build big businesses to support their life missions. He believes that life is about growth and maximizing our potential to bring as much value to others.

In this episode we hear about the lessons he's learned in leadership, parenting, marriage, and through an Ironman. We also take a peek behind the curtains and talk about our working relationship and wrap up learning about the sillier side of Jake.

You'll walk away with practical lessons you can apply to every facet of life. I hope you enjoy!

Resources:
Email: jakel@kw.com
Website: www.withthecollective.com

We'd love a "follow" on the podcast, and a 5-Star Review is especially powerful!





Speaker 1:

I've achieved some. This is the uncomfortable part, like I've achieved some things that I never thought I would achieve, and how empty that felt when what I was chasing after is what I thought I wanted and it was. It was a. It was a really painful process to recognize like what am I even doing now? Like what, why do it? Why do I do anything? What's the answer to that?

Speaker 1:

There's an integrity component of I want to live within my values. Your legacy is less about the money you make, the titles you have, the accomplishments that you've those are all cool Like let's enjoy those along the way. I'm not minimizing that. I'm not suggesting that we set small goals. What I am suggesting is like make sure we put them into context, that we're not sacrificing everything super important to us just to get a title or an accomplishment or a dollar amount. It's more about the example of how I live than it is about anything externally, because I think that's actually what we leave with people is is how we live our lives, and and what I like to do is try to create as much alignment with people and what their goals are and enjoy the process.

Speaker 3:

Hello, it's me, your host, jen, and fellow journeyer on this path of learning how to reintegrate feminine energy into the boardroom. We'll talk about things like conscious capitalism and leading with vulnerability and awareness and connection and play. We'll be diving into the bedroom. So basically, we're going to talk about the horizontal combo and all seriousness. We're going to look at how to create a deeper level of intimacy and connection in your romantic partnerships, but also in all of our relationships. I think we've become so disconnected, so how do we gain that in our relationships? And then we're going to look beyond that into any tool or practice that helps us become more magnetic and more full. So manifestation techniques, meditation and personal development approaches that will help us move through challenges to step into our brightest, fullest, most magnetic version of ourselves. It's all the things, it is the whole shebang. So buckle up buttercups, we're diving in. All right, jake, welcome to the whole shebang.

Speaker 1:

Live podcast in front of a bunch of people.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, you're not nervous? No, Okay. So for the people that don't, that are listening to this now, that don't know who you are, would you take a minute and just introduce yourself?

Speaker 1:

I'm Jake Lures. I am the operating partner of five four different market centers just in the Twin Cities and we have 775 agents. I have two kids. I have a 12-year-old Garrett and a nine-year-old Rayan, and my wife is Stephanie, and I love long walks on the beach.

Speaker 3:

I knew you were going to say that.

Speaker 1:

Too predictable, I got to change it.

Speaker 3:

We're going to jump into all things work in a little bit, but I thought it would be fun to start with letting people get to know a little bit more about you personally, because we just don't often go there in front of meetings like this. So you're married to Stephanie Steph is what you call her. Yeah, how many years? 16 years 16 years 16 years. Okay, what is one of the best things about her, one of the things that she's taught you or that you've seen from her that you really respect or love about her?

Speaker 1:

Her level of patience has been one of the best things for me. I can get caught in speed and efficiency and being effective, and sometimes that's a really, really good thing. Other times it causes you to miss things, and so she's able to kind of slow it down and just take a breath. I look at her as she is the conduit to a lot of our communities, like personally, and so she's always the thoughtful one. She's always the one that said somebody's sick, so I'm going to make them something and I'll bring them some soup.

Speaker 1:

She's like she's the thoughtful one and I believe I'm actually thoughtful on the other side, but I'm much more linear when it comes to the thoughtfulness, and I was talking with one of my coaches yesterday and one of the things that she brought up is she says you are unfortunately, fortunately fixated on your career and that you've got to work on some boundaries, so it allows for the creative side, on the personal side, to show up, and so how to do that? That's going to be my journey. I don't know how to do that quite yet, but so she ultimately and watching her parent, the kids she was raised on the exact opposite side of how I was raised. My dad was very strict and eventually they got divorced. And then my mom was on the opposite side because she knew that that was coming from that angle, and so there was a lot more freedom on the other side, and so when they got divorced, so there was freedom on your mom's side and strictness on your dad's side.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and I've taken the. I think I've actually coupled them well together where I've taken the strict side. But I show them a lot of love and compassion and encouragement along the way. But but I do have high I consider myself to have high standards, for I don't care what they do, I don't care their titles, I don't care how much money they make, but I want them to be kind and happy people.

Speaker 3:

Is that how you would define strict? How do you define strict?

Speaker 1:

That's a really good question. How do I define strict?

Speaker 3:

Like what are you strict about?

Speaker 1:

Manners, saying thank you and being kind to people and not just thinking about yourself. That is something that I struggle a lot with. When, when everything becomes internally focused, I think we actually steal joy from ourselves, because when we focus on other people, that's actually where the experience can show up.

Speaker 3:

I was just listening to an Oprah podcast, out of all things, and the the man that she was talking to is a Harvard grad and he was talking about how and I feel like we've probably talked about this before, talked about this in our community that that we think that by seeking things that make us happy, we'll be happier. But the studies show over and over again that when you do random acts of kindness or you use a leaf blower to help somebody with their yard work, that that generates much more happiness internally.

Speaker 3:

Like the data shows that yeah, totally agree with that. So you're strict on those things. Okay, so with stuff, I want to go back to stuff. You said patience and then, when you went to talk about her, what I gathered you're talking about is almost like a presence, like you said that you talked about, like she's the glue and pulls things together and she slows down, which is it actually that she's patient when things are like crazy, or is she just like really present with everything? Both, okay, she's.

Speaker 1:

I'm very I can get irritable.

Speaker 3:

No way With the kids.

Speaker 1:

You're gonna be the devil here. I'm kidding.

Speaker 1:

But I've what I'm learning. What I continue to learn about myself is that the the more noise I hear, the more irritable, like I can't focus, and so that's where, like with kids around and around, you just got to go into it saying this is just going to be loud and I'm going to get interrupted, so don't try to focus on anything in particular. But but she's patient and allowing them to, to learn, and I'm getting there, and she also is the person that people to go to when they're struggling because, she doesn't always offer advice, she'll just listen, which is the exact opposite of me.

Speaker 1:

If you come to me and you want to be like you have a challenge, I tend to jump in and say let's fix it, which is not healthy for relationships, and that's one thing marriage has taught me. There's no question in my mind that it's it's bled over into leadership is when, when, when. When somebody brings something to me, I actually need to ask the question what do you want out of this conversation? Do you want me to listen? Do you just just need somebody to vent to? Do you want me to offer suggestions or do you just want me to ask questions?

Speaker 1:

All of those are important to have effective conversations for what people are trying to get from it, but a lot of times, if you don't ask the question, they don't actually know what they're looking for. So if you just pause for a second, say what do you want from me in this moment, it helps them figure out like, first off, I just want to bitch, I just want to complain, and then it's funny how quickly it moves into okay, I'm good, I'm gonna move past this, versus Me coming in with a solution and they're not done with it, yet you find yourself into this. I'm just gonna stay here until I feel like I've vented enough yeah and it prolongs the venting, which Doesn't actually help the relationship.

Speaker 1:

And so and that actually happened from one of the stuff and I don't argue very often and One of them was 2526, so is I just want you to listen is what she said any women in here ever say that.

Speaker 3:

It's probably not a gender thing, by the way yes, I don't know what does that even mean?

Speaker 1:

like why would I, why wouldn't I want to help? Yeah but everybody's different and so I think, if, if I can give advice on and on any conversation, whether it's personal or professional, I think understanding what both sides need from that conversation starts with a question that's great.

Speaker 3:

Okay, your kids. You have two kids, 12. And how old is rain Garret's 12 friends nine. What lesson have you learned from them?

Speaker 1:

you'll see a theme Patience and when I say patience, it's too often myself, early on, you try to control them, but they're human beings. They're not for me to control. It's for me to ask questions when they do things, and so I I try to avoid telling people what to do, and it's come from the parenting side, because telling people what to do doesn't typically work out well. So being a sounding board and Helping us connect the dots between how we show up the decisions we make in the outcomes we're getting has helped me slow down and really answer questions myself the same way, versus just running really hard at a wall and keep running into the wall and hitting it.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah I we've talked about this before. I think Simon Sinek says this too, and I have like conflicting feelings about it. But this idea that a lot of our parenting, the things that we learned in our relationships, definitely do parallel to the working world, whether it's with clients or colleagues or team members, that this I, every principle you've just laid out about asking what do you need from the conversation or learning patience or being present, it all applies everywhere. It's just relationships across the board, right? It's all human relationships, right I?

Speaker 1:

think where we get messed up is we think on the business side people have agendas. I don't care if people actually have an agenda, it's going to get exposed by me just asking more questions, and but sometimes when we think the other side has a different agenda, we tend to kind of get a little bit. Then. Then we kind of tighten up and so we both put walls up and we think we're actually strategically and maneuvering each other. It's like this is stupid in a waste of time, because if I can't be transparent and open with you on the front end, what's the point of a relationship if I can't, if we can't go there? And so I don't have any problem with people having an agenda, as long as it's not hidden, all right. I want to pivot. Not everybody has a different agenda.

Speaker 3:

All right, I want to pivot. Not everybody knows that you did an Iron man, an Iron man 70.3, because there's, I don't know the difference. So you describe what an Iron man is and what a 70.3 is.

Speaker 1:

Well, I think there's. There's like a hundred. I don't even know what the full one is, but it's 70.3 is the mileage between all three of the the activities. So swimming, biking and running, so miles is. So it's like a 1.2 mile swim of 56 mile bike ride and then a 13 like a half marathon, 13.1 mile.

Speaker 3:

OK, why did you decide to do something like that?

Speaker 1:

I, once I stepped out of the team leader role and took on the GM role, I needed, I needed something to focus on and that required me to change eating habits. It required me to focus on certain fitness, different muscle groups to be able to prepare and, honestly, it was somebody that said you should do this. I was like no, they're like yeah, you can do it. Let's do it in six months.

Speaker 3:

The only thing I don't know how to do is swim. So you had to learn how to swim.

Speaker 1:

So I hired a coach to swim.

Speaker 3:

I didn't know that.

Speaker 1:

I could swim With floaties on. There's a difference between something that looks like it's struggling on the surface of water and an efficient swimmer, and so I knew, if I was going to swim that distance, I wasn't going to burn myself out by doing it inefficiently.

Speaker 3:

So OK, so you did the race, I did it, you trained. How was training Awesome?

Speaker 1:

and awful. Ok, just what you'd expect.

Speaker 3:

OK, well, let's talk about the race. What was the day of? What was the experience like for you?

Speaker 1:

Don't drown, and I'm not even like you go in.

Speaker 3:

Were you terrified, were you frightened?

Speaker 1:

I wasn't frightened. I tend to believe this has always been my thing. It's like go do things that require or that have caused you to doubt a little bit why.

Speaker 3:

Can I?

Speaker 1:

actually do it.

Speaker 3:

Why is that valuable?

Speaker 1:

Because it pulls me to stretch. If I just set a goal that I knew I could hit, there is noone of the lessons that comes back from doing that event was. There's little value in success without a challenge If something's just super easy. I was talking to Claire in Minneapolis I think it was Claire but, needless to say, garrett's first karate tournament. I'm going all over the place, but he got a trophy for showing up and Jen's laughing because she probably knows where I'm going. He also won other trophies because of how he performed in his events, and so I was cautious, knowing that I could probably influence how he thought about that trophy. But at the end of the day I said which ones matter most to you? And it was the ones that he actually had to beat. It was the competition. He's like this one's fine, but I got it just for showing up In the back. I'm like yes.

Speaker 1:

So I think if there's not something we're overcoming, for me success isn't necessarily about any given outcome. It's how far did I come? Because I know the challenges that people have to take on to elevate themselves from one thing to the next. I do my best to kind of future pace myself 20 years and look back on the decisions I make and say, in how I'm living my life right now, am I going to regret how I'm making decisions right now? And if the answer is yes, then I have to face that. And if the answer is no, I believe I'm giving it my full effort. Then I can operate. I can just go.

Speaker 3:

We talk a lot about in our organization and you and I have had many conversations about this too that whatever the goal is whether it's the Iron man or the Thing that it's not actually about achieving the goal. It's about who you become along the way, and it's becoming a cliche thing to say, but I think important to note that it is about who you be. It's not just like, oh, I had to stretch and it was painful and I hit this thing. It's like, oh, I learned this lesson and I evolved, and because I learned this lesson and evolved here, now I'm showing up here as a parent in this way. Now you learn discipline, you learn patience, you learn whatever, and that it impacts every area of your life. So it was about the becoming.

Speaker 1:

I look at it in every area of life. You could look at it as becoming a new real estate agent. You could look at it as a child in sports. You could look at it in almost any area. They all kind of teach the same lessons.

Speaker 1:

You don't realize that when you're starting something, you're chasing after something external and I know there's people in this room because I've had conversations this carrot at the end, when you hit it and it feels empty, tells you we're focusing on the wrong thing. And so A lot of times that internal feeling of recognizing that doesn't show up until you start achieving those things. That's been my thing. I could read all the books in the world. I could have mentors tell me this, like it's about the journey. It's about becoming the person you want to become, but for me I have to experience it, and so when I look at the trajectory of my career, I've achieved some. This is the uncomfortable part. I've achieved some things that I never thought I would achieve. And how empty that felt when what I was chasing after is what I thought I wanted. And it was a really painful process to recognize like, what am I even doing now? Why do I do anything? What's the answer to that?

Speaker 1:

Because there's an integrity component of I want to live within my values. Your legacy is less about the money you make, the titles you have, the accomplishments that you've those are all cool, like let's enjoy those along the way. I'm not minimizing that, guys. I'm still going to go live a kick-ass life and I want to go do really, really big things. So I'm not suggesting that we set small goals. What I am suggesting is make sure we put them into context, that we're not sacrificing everything super important to us just to get a title or an accomplishment or a dollar amount. That's really kind of where I'm.

Speaker 1:

So it's more about the example of how I live than it is about anything externally, because I think that's actually what we leave with people is how we live our lives, and what I like to do is try to create as much alignment with people and what their goals are and enjoy the process versus just saying I want to double my business.

Speaker 1:

Because actually I don't believe most people when they say I want to double my business, because when you ask them why there's not anything that actually is pulling them forward and so if there's not a, if there's not a, it's the same thing in our organization, like why are we building what we're building? It is about the people and it's as cliche as it sounds, but nothing else really matters if it's not a great culture, if it's not challenging people. I've seen people massively overhaul their lives in this organization and so now I feel a sense of responsibility. As painful as it is sometimes to run the businesses that we do, that stuff outweighs it, because it sounds egotistical, but I want to live the best life, so people are willing to come to my funeral, like I did something that mattered enough that they said you know what? Yeah.

Speaker 1:

It's good to know you.

Speaker 3:

I shared this in the first episode that I put out, and many of you that are in this room today have probably heard this, but I am an example of that. I'll come to your funeral, jay. If you die before me, I will show up. But yeah, I was about ready to leave the industry. I could not pay my bills, I had no money and I went into your office and was like I'm going to get into corporate. Who do you know that you can set me up with an interview Like help? And he was like what do you think? Why are you going to do that? You can do this. I see people come and go all the time. I believe in you and I honestly, I recall I tell the story enough to be like I wonder if that's how it even went. In my mind. It was probably a three to five minute conversation.

Speaker 1:

It was short. It was short.

Speaker 3:

And you basically, in so many words, just said I believe in you and what do you need? And I'm going to share something that maybe you don't want me to share, but it's okay, I'll ask for forgiveness later. You were like, well, what do you need? So, for those of you who don't know, my brother had just passed away at that time and I was like couldn't pay my bills and just how am I going to do this job? And so I said I need to be in the office, I need to be around people and I can't afford to pay for anything. I couldn't pay for a lockbox, I couldn't pay for photos, I couldn't pay for anything. I said, but I would really like to have an office space.

Speaker 3:

And you said, well, I'll front you for three months to share an office with Kim Ecker was the one at the time and then after that you'd need to be on your own and I was like, okay, so I showed up and just like put my head down and my business ended up going. But to your point about like what is the responsibility that we have in a community, together or as leaders, we are all influencing somebody in some way and we don't realize sometimes that a three minute conversation can change the course of somebody's life. So thank you. You're welcome, thank you.

Speaker 3:

I'm going to pivot a little bit. So how long have we worked together now? How many years I came to the office? 2015 as an agent. Nine to ten years 17,. So we know each other a little bit. Yeah, yeah, a little bit.

Speaker 3:

For better or worse.

Speaker 3:

Part of why for those of you that are listening that don't know part of where this podcast came from was, in the last couple of years, feeling like we we or me in society in general has gotten lopsided in sort of this like hustle, grind, go mode and very linear and very logical, which is very left brain focused and kind of ironic that you started out by saying your coach is telling you you need to get more in the creative side, which is the other side of the brain, and so the whole shebang podcast is about how do we reintegrate these parts in every facet of our life that we've not integrated, because I think it creates a more whole and healthy life.

Speaker 3:

And so I have been on that journey for the last three years because I'd been functioning so hard in my go mode I had to to survive, to pay my bills, to like get out of that hustle mode and then was burning out and relationships were not in a great place and all the stuff so and you've had like a front row seat and it's been kind of wild because there have been days that I'm like I'm going to try something and this is going to be weird and I'm going to bring in creativity and vulnerability and connection into work and I'm going to try this thing and poor Jake is just like buckled up on the long for the ride. So I'm curious to just hear we've never talked about this. I'm curious to hear, like your perspective, like what you've, how you've viewed that, how you've handled that, what your thoughts are on that.

Speaker 1:

It's been. It's been awesome and frustrating. Full transparency because we, when things are logical, you feel like you have a better opportunity to control them. When and we all want control like we all want to control things as much as possible, but the you don't actually get to allow people to maximize themselves when they don't live the full version of how they want to show up. So if I'm a leader and I'm dictating what you do and how you do it and you have to do it a certain way, I think we limit people when that happens.

Speaker 1:

Now you were in the right for me to trust you and I was like, whatever the hell you're talking about, go do it. And we still I still want results. Like it doesn't just negate the business. We have a responsibility to the people that we're in business with. And so you're like, okay, great. And so I kind of pulled off. And when I stepped into, when you stepped into the team leader role and I stepped into the general manager role, I'm not proud of the first nine months of how I led, because it was like accountability that wasn't helpful.

Speaker 1:

I don't think I was disrespectful, I just want to make sure that it was clear but it was intense and it wasn't fun for me and it wasn't fun for the team leaders, and so that was where I needed to let go a little bit. And so there does need to be this very delicate dance between what we're talking about.

Speaker 3:

Head and heart, right brain, left brain.

Speaker 1:

Because anytime you go too far almost in anything in life, too far one way or the other, there's pros and cons to that. There's pros and cons to being super creative all the time and being able to just feel the world and how it, watch it evolve. And then there's other times you're like, no dammit, I'm going to go make this happen and this is how it's going to work.

Speaker 3:

What we're doing today to me is an example of a right brain thing, because what I my hope from this conversation today is that you all feel a little bit more connected to Jake. And when you feel more connected to Jake, what does that do for you and your business? What does that do for this business and this market center Is, let me like, go sell more houses. Those are linear things and these are like right brain connection things, and so I think they are all interconnected.

Speaker 3:

But this isn't always comfortable. This is new, and it's not just this in particular, but being more vulnerable, being more open, being more creative. It's not as controlled right, it's not all those things, and I am a big believer that it's really important, really healthy. So I guess one thing I wanted to say, like in front of everybody else, is that I really appreciate that you've allowed space for it, even though it's been super uncomfortable, and anytime we do anything new, it's awkward, it's like awkward for me, it's awkward for you, but that is a pillar of a tenant, I would say, of the organization that you, that we are building right, which is what's the vision of the company, you can state it of the collective inside out.

Speaker 1:

To help maximize people's potential, essentially.

Speaker 1:

I mean, if I'm really going to boil it down, it's how do we allow each person to maximize who they are and what they actually want to achieve, and that's both personally and professionally. I don't think one exists without the. I don't look at success as somebody that's crushing it in business and their personal relationships are awful. I get frustrated sometimes in this industry because of the perceived notion of success Somebody selling 50 million and they make a hundred grand. It doesn't sound for me. That sounds like an awful life.

Speaker 3:

Right, and at what cost? Yeah, right.

Speaker 1:

There is absolutely costs that are happening because you hold all the liability, you hold all the stress, you hold everything. There's people counting on you and yet you're not actually fulfilling your own cup, and that's a problem. It's not sustainable.

Speaker 3:

And that comes back to this idea of it's not just about what you do or what you achieve. It's who you're becoming and who you're being and how you're living your life. And so if we can create a community where we have space to become people and change, even when it's a little awkward, whatever that looks like Some of you might be like I need to really hammer lead, john, and that's really uncomfortable for me. Everybody's level of discomfort or where they need to grow is going to be different, but having a space that feels safe to explore, that is what allows us to grow.

Speaker 1:

The interesting thing is, I think naturally our industry has a lot of people that understand this logically, and I just don't. I used to think in the past high drivers, top producers, they don't want any of this stuff. It's actually not true. I think sometimes those people actually need more of it than anybody else, so I've just gotten away from I don't really care what they think. There's some significantly large producers in this office and online and I'm naturally in the back of my head thinking why would they want to listen to doing things for the right reason, the right way, and maybe not think of this XXX goal? I was like I tend to believe that when you live in alignment and you're able to show up authentically, those big, big, big, big goals show up.

Speaker 3:

Right, we have a question from the audience. Are you ready?

Speaker 1:

We'll see.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, we'll see. What was your biggest failure this year and what did you learn from it. If you didn't hear that he mumbled oh shit under his breath.

Speaker 1:

If I'm going to be honest.

Speaker 3:

Which you should be.

Speaker 1:

This has been one of the most challenging years I've had in a very long time, and I'm not looking for sympathy. That's not where I'm going.

Speaker 3:

You don't need to couch it.

Speaker 1:

It has just been almost one thing after another. You're like gosh, I feel like I'm doing everything right, and then you just get punched in the mouth again and you're like, what is what's going on right now? So to isolate it is a bit of a challenge. I'm trying to think what I'm trying to do is failure, because I don't look at a lot of things as failure.

Speaker 3:

I just don't see them and stake like what might you do differently? Is there a different way to frame that question?

Speaker 1:

I wouldn't change any of the events in all the bigger decisions that I made. I actually wouldn't. I don't think I'd change any of the bigger decisions because when I look back at them the decisions that we make there always has to be a component of trust, particularly when you're dealing with human beings, because life changes, situations change, new people get into your world, people leave your world, and so those are just part of the process. So I don't know if any decision I make I would take back.

Speaker 3:

What have you learned?

Speaker 1:

I could have handled it with less weight.

Speaker 3:

Tell me more about that.

Speaker 1:

There, when you feel a sense of responsibility to such a large amount of people that you do care about. I don't know everybody in this room very like. Some of you know very close, others I don't know hardly at all. And this idea of I have to know you to care about you, I actually don't agree with that. I feel a sense of responsibility to deliver on what we're doing in a partnership, and when I say partnership, it means, like I need you to come to the table with me, because otherwise it's just me telling you what to do and you're actually not gonna do that, but you'll point the finger at me.

Speaker 1:

So I've moved past people blaming me for a lack of whatever's showing up in their world. I used to own that. I used to be like what else could I have done? It's like the truth of the matter is, the people that I poured into the most are some of the people that have left. There is a beautiful lesson in that and of itself, because that hurts the most and at the same time, I did left nothing on the table, so handling it with more trust in the long game, which is again what I wrote this morning. Like you realize, in 10 years. 95% of the stuff that we're worried about right now is just not gonna matter.

Speaker 3:

I think sometimes about like I will be hopefully 60 something, 70 something one day and I think I will look back on these years, and maybe this year in particular, with the most fondness, because I feel like the people in my world that I know right now my grandmother's 95, like she looks back on these years like I was out there. I was solving problems and it was stressful, but it was like I was in it. I feel like there's something really rewarding in hindsight about these years that are hard when you're in it.

Speaker 1:

So then, how do you take that then? Because that's where my mind goes. Yes, I know I'm gonna be fond of this year. So then, how do I just enjoy it throughout the year?

Speaker 3:

Well, I don't. I'm doing it. Why aren't you?

Speaker 1:

Because you're way more evolved human, and I don't have my creative energy figured out.

Speaker 3:

I figured that feminine energy thing out, james.

Speaker 1:

Well I think it does go to. I just wanna fix it and some of these things you can't, I can't fix. Each one of us are individuals and we have to actually take ownership in whatever it is right. I don't know how to separate business from personal completely.

Speaker 3:

Put that on your goals, maybe for next year.

Speaker 1:

yeah, I still like the relationship, though it's how do you care? And also I call it detached, not indifferent, meaning I can detach from somebody making a decision, but it's not in. I don't feel indifferent about them. I just give them the freedom to make the decision, regardless of how it affects me.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, okay, so as you're learning to live with us, wait, what makes you laugh?

Speaker 1:

Steph says this often if people could see how goofy you are at home, they wouldn't believe it, because when you see me at work I'm pretty composed. I'll get quirky here and there. My kids make me laugh, there's no question. The things they do.

Speaker 3:

What's your favorite movie that makes you laugh?

Speaker 1:

Dumb and Dumber is probably towards the top. Okay, which you probably know from the references that I make often, I'll just do one-liners and she's like what the hell are you talking about?

Speaker 3:

You need to watch the movie. Also, the Nietzsche YouTube guy. Have you guys seen this? What?

Speaker 1:

is it? What is it called? Go watch YouTube. It's a Nietzsche walk and is the cheesiest. It's so funny. He's out like we don't do what he's doing. Jake sense of humor is awful.

Speaker 3:

Well, that's what we wanna know.

Speaker 1:

I just love goofy and quirky things. It's funny. He asked that question Like it's the small moments. I'll share this story. Garrett is super witty and he learned that a donkey was a jackass when he was like 10. And he came into our room one Saturday morning and he said get your donkey out of bed, like get your ass out of bed. I was like that's super funny. 6.30 in the morning, I'll laugh at that, even though it's inappropriate. Get your donkey out of bed. Like. He just put the two together. He's like why don't you guys get your donkey out of bed? I was like that is awesome. It's super smart, I love it.

Speaker 3:

Okay, heading into the new year, what advice do you have for people that are listening, as they're looking back at this 2023 and looking forward at 2024.

Speaker 1:

I wanted two things and they go together Take a hundred percent responsibility for everything that's showing up and don't judge yourself at the same time. I think sometimes we're afraid of taking full ownership and even if somebody's wronged us or things didn't work out, we then go to judging for things not working out.

Speaker 3:

Judging ourselves, judging ourselves.

Speaker 1:

And so to not judge ourselves on the outcomes but judge ourselves on how we're showing up in the effort we're putting forward. I really just get to this place of we give away too much control when we start pointing our fingers, and that it's also something that I'm working through with a coach. Entitlement does nothing for us. I don't care if you think you deserve something. You might deserve it. It doesn't change the fact that you might not have it. So if you just say you know what, I'm in 100% control of what I choose to do, it takes a lot of poison out of the world because we're not actually then looking at other people as our problem. We just allow them to be who they are. We get so caught up in our preferences of how things should be that we start to hurt relationships because people aren't showing up the way we want them to show up, which is freaking absurd. If you really think about you should show up the way I want you to show up, because that's what I want versus Gordon. You be you, let Gordon be Gordon and let me be me, and I'm gonna go work or I'm gonna go do whatever, and so when we own everything, it actually puts us in the driver's seat to make better decisions for ourselves and then just give ourselves some compassion when things don't work up.

Speaker 1:

I failed more than probably most people in this room. This year. I Learned a lot. Yeah, I'll be way further ahead in like two years. What I love about this year is like there's two businesses that that are not going to be anymore. One of them was nodding my control. The other one, I had I had a pardon. It's weird to sit here and say that to you guys because it's like hey, look at me, you sure you want to follow me. Well, if you look at business as a whole, not every one of them does this. You can do everything possible, and that's that's where I would. I was judging myself very, very harshly throughout the year because it's like why is why are things not right moving? And the funny thing is part of what drove. That is what I was worried about, you guys thinking Like I didn't want to lose credibility. Do I really get to control that? No, I don't. If you guys are gonna think whatever, you think about me regardless of what shows up, and so this is just my two cents.

Speaker 3:

I think when Maybe I'm going on a limb here, but I think when you shared the failures and you shared those things to me, it gives you more credibility, because we all have that stuff.

Speaker 1:

I say that in your seat.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, but it's hard for you to not judge, you see how you see how the lack of self-awareness shows up.

Speaker 1:

It's like I can say what you're saying when I'm looking from the outside, looking in, telling somebody like I would never I actually see more, but then, but then I got to do it. It's like, no, I don't want to do that yeah so it it really. It becomes really interesting how much, how much we can actually lack that self-awareness of we're not showing up the same way we would like treat somebody else yeah.

Speaker 1:

So how do we bring the same compassion and empathy towards somebody else, towards ourselves and it, if if we're getting down to some of the work that I've had to do is like, do you love yourself enough to give yourself a little bit of a break? And the answer sometimes was like I don't want to give myself a break, and that wasn't all healthy right. But it makes you the painful moments, require you to face it, which is one of the best things about painful moments is you don't get to just ignore it anymore.

Speaker 3:

You are practicing what you preach and that's really valuable. So it's for us to say, hey, face your stuff, guys. That that's stuff that you're not facing is getting in the way of your personal and professional growth. And the fact is that we all have stuff that comes up or, all of a sudden, our self-awareness goes oh gosh, I am being really judgmental. It's easy to just focus on other people and not to do the work, to evolve in those ways, and I'm really grateful to work alongside you and have you be practicing what you preach in that way, because it's not easy to do that's awesome yeah.

Speaker 3:

Thank you for sharing today. Yeah, thank you for being on the podcast. Thank you for being open. We appreciate you as always.

Speaker 3:

Thank you for tuning in. I hope that this episode is supporting you in becoming your most whole self so that you can lead your most full life. You are definitely worthy and deserving of that. All of the resources that we shared today are gonna be linked in the show notes. You can check those out there, along with ways that you can connect with us if you've got questions or feedback or people that you think we should reach out to to highlight their story on the whole shebang podcast. In the meantime, please be sure to hit that follow button so you don't miss a beat. Share this episode, or any others, with those that you think could benefit from this conversation, and you can do the podcast a huge favor by leaving a far of star review in the meantime. I hope that you have a fantastic, fantastic bangin day.

Getting to Know Jake Personally
Parenting Styles
Listening to People vs. Solving Their Problems
Lessons From Parenting and Personal Achievements
Jake's Ironman Experience
The Value of Challenging Yourself
Making Decisions Without Regret
The Goal is About Who You Become
Integrating Head and Heart in Life and Business
Achieving Personal and Professional Growth
Reflecting on Failures and Challenges
Jake's Goofy Sense of Humor
Taking Responsibility and Showing Self-Compassion
Advice for Reflecting on the Past Year and Moving Forward