The Whole Shebang

Ep. 15 - Zarak Fatah on Dating, Masculine Frame, Feminine Energy and Becoming the One

December 27, 2023 Jen Briggs Season 1 Episode 15
The Whole Shebang
Ep. 15 - Zarak Fatah on Dating, Masculine Frame, Feminine Energy and Becoming the One
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

I’d like to introduce you to our guest for this episode, Zarak Fatah. He's a serial entrepreneur who has created 14 companies and what he would describe as a very successful career, but also superficial. At 40 years old, he made a 180 degree shift from nightlife to enlightened life and is pursuing a true path of purpose. 

He's now coaching and teaching others the process of deep personal development, helping them find their purpose and passion in life. Today you're going to hear about his past, but we mostly zero in on some of the juicier things, like his dating life, what conscious men are looking for, how to have more meaningful communication in your relationships by expressing needs and setting boundaries, and we even dive into what's called a ”feminine cleanse;” part of Zarak’s current personal growth journey. This is a fun one, we hope you enjoy!

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Speaker 1:

the masculine energy is the frame, it is the frame structure of the container, and the feminine energy is the magic, the the, the passion that flows within it. And a woman doesn't feel the safety of the frame, the structure, then she can't trust you and she's not going to surrender. And that's why women will boundaries and see like okay, she may not like what you have to say, like I'm going away for two weeks, it's what I need, I'll see you when I get back. She may not like it. She's like okay, she's like damn, when you come back, I will be ready.

Speaker 2:

Hello, it's me, your host, jen, and fellow journeyer on this path of learning how to reintegrate feminine energy into the boardroom. So we'll talk about things like conscious capitalism and leading with vulnerability and awareness and connection and play. We'll be diving into the bedroom. So basically, we're going to talk about the horizontal mamba and all seriousness. We're going to look at how to create a deeper level of intimacy and connection in your romantic partnerships, but also in all of our relationships. I think we've become so disconnected. So how do we gain that in our relationships? And then we're going to look beyond that into any tool or practice that helps us become more magnetic and more full. So manifestation techniques, meditation, um and personal development approaches that will help us move through challenges to step into our brightest, fullest, most magnetic version of ourselves. It's all the things. It is the whole shebang. So buckle up butter cups, we're diving in. Ladies and gents, you are in for a treat today.

Speaker 2:

On today's episode, I have a very candid conversation with Zaraq Fata. He's a serial entrepreneur who has created 14 companies and what he would describe as a very successful career, but also superficial. And then, at 40 years old, he made a 180 degree shift in pursuing a true path of purpose. He's now coaching and teaching others the process of deep personal development, helping them find their purpose and passion in life. And today you're going to hear about his past, but we mostly zero in on some of the juicier stuff, like dating life, what consciousness you are looking for, how to have more meaningful communication in your relationships, and we even dive into what's called a feminine cleanse, and this is Zaraq's current leg of his personal growth journey. This is a fun one. I hope you enjoy, zaraq. Welcome to the whole shebang. It's great to meet you. Thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for having me. Great seeing you.

Speaker 2:

I've really been looking forward to this conversation for a couple of the reasons that we've chatted about, but I'm kind of excited because I feel like today we get to peel back the curtain, if you will, and look inside the mind and the heart of a conscious man, if you're going to allow us to. How does that sound? You ready for that?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm totally yeah, that's. I'd love to shut up.

Speaker 2:

So no pressure. I am asking you to speak on behalf of half the human race. So, for all men.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I wouldn't say it's all men, because you know they're. They're the unconscious men and then they're the men that are living a more conscious life with intention, and just like there's unconscious women and unconscious right. So I think I represent a sliver of the demographic, but of course I'm happy to share from both sides, because I was unconscious for you know, 40 years in my life, right? So I know what it's like to live life from that place also.

Speaker 2:

Can we, can we go back to your childhood?

Speaker 1:

Okay, sure, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2:

We're going to go way, way, way back. I we're going to come back to the relationship stuff and dive into that. I for sure want to go as deep as we can go in on that and I think it's valuable for the listeners who don't know who you are, just have a bit of context for who you are. So can you share a little bit about we won't dive deep into it, but just kind of your career pathway. And then I've got some questions about your childhood that we'll dig into.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so I got into nightlife at a fairly young age, at 18, after leaving high school, I got a job in clubs and just really found bright lights in the big city and found stuff I loved. I'm like, wow, I'm going to pay to go out and dance party, sounds good. So, you know, I really gravitated towards the nightlife and hospitality industry and started as a dancer, promoter, bartender, manager, eventually opening my own, my first restaurant, 2003, my own club in 2004. And then it was business after business opened 12 companies over 15 years which included nightclubs, restaurants, spa, hair salon, music, festival, health supplements, a number of different companies, and that provided me with really awesome life and travel to the world.

Speaker 1:

You know, I really lived an amazing. I did pretty much everything a single man could want to do, you know, and it was really amazing, rewarding, lucrative in many ways, but I kind of grew it. You know, I got to a point where just I didn't love it, but I'm very proud of what I created and we had amazing venues and, yeah, and then one day I woke up inside I didn't want to be that guy anymore.

Speaker 2:

So is it fair to call those years your unconscious years.

Speaker 1:

For sure. Yeah, because even when I look at our business trajectory, had I been more conscious and intentional with how we were even growing our businesses, I would have done it very differently. You know, I was just hoping. This is almost, I don't want to say for fun, but just because it was like, hey, it was kind of easy, we were on such a roll and had amazing momentum and you're really pioneers in many different industries in Toronto. So had I been more conscious and intentional, I probably wouldn't have opened up as many companies, I would have had less partners and I would have built the business with more infrastructure and stability.

Speaker 2:

Hmm.

Speaker 1:

That's interesting.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I want to know. This is where I want to go back to your childhood. I'm curious Do you see? You were really driven from a young age, right, like you were like 18 and got into nightlife and then went there. What was it about your childhood or adolescent years that lent itself to you going down that path?

Speaker 1:

My parents were, you know. My mom was a secretary, my dad was a courier immigrants from Pakistan. We owned our own little modest bungalow. My parents did their best to put food on the table and a roof over our head and very basic clothes on our back, and I wanted I wanted more than basic. You know, I have always had a love for fashion and fancy cars, you know, and I knew that the life that I wanted my parents weren't going to be able to provide me with.

Speaker 1:

I am a manifester. I'm also a triple Leo, so I like nice things, I'm very creative and I know how to make shit happen. So I have been entrepreneurial from a young age, because anything I've wanted to create, I've just gone for it and made it happen. So I wouldn't say I'm monetarily driven. I'm more well now. I'm definitely more impact driven, but back then it was more about hey, I want to travel and I want to eat in amazing restaurants and I want to like wear really nice clothes and and that's what really.

Speaker 1:

I wouldn't say that's what drove me, but that was like the byproduct of my hard work. What really drove me was I love creating and I love coming up with new ideas and like we're creating a new venue. I could walk in the room and I could see the venue, I could hear the people and the music, I could smell the food a year before we even open our doors. I just have that ability to visualize and manifest. So for me, the creative process is actually what I enjoyed the most, and then the money and the clothes and cars and food and all that came as a result of just putting out really great uh experience products in the world.

Speaker 2:

Okay, let's. So. Let's talk about the ladies during that time. Cause you said you lived. You lived sort of like 40, 40 ish years of your life, sort of unconscious, and you can share with us a perspective of a man that is viewing life through that lens. So what is a man that is unconscious? You don't, maybe it's you, maybe it's just men in general. Um, what are they looking for, or what are they? What? What is exciting to them in terms of dating women?

Speaker 1:

Yes, so this ties back to my childhood as well. So one thing to mention is growing up, I got bullied and picked on and didn't really feel like I fit in. So part of what also drove me to be center of spotlight and have all these beautiful places is like now you need me. Before I wanted to be chosen. Now you need me, you know. So now I'm the guy that everybody wanted to come to, and I didn't realize at the time, but it was so much a part of my identity. So the traumatic childhood experiences I had, which most kids go through getting bullied and picked on and whatnot, you know, really drove me to be larger than life. So, just like it affected, I would say, how I want to show up with the fancy car on the designer clothes. It also affected how I the women I dated.

Speaker 1:

So I've always loved women. I'm a very sexual person, I'm a Leo, I'm a fire sign. I love beautiful things beautiful cars, clothes, beautiful women and in that career I had an endless supply of beautiful women who wanted to spend time with me, be with me, uh, hang out, whether it be for the free vodka, whether it be to you know, uh, I've treated my girlfriends very well, you know, beautiful trips, clothes, gifts, all kinds of stuff, because I'm generous in that sense and I would say that I've been very driven by aesthetics, you know, and in my relationships I've dated very beautiful women who are also very, very sweet, like my ex-girlfriends are amazing. I'm still friends with most of them and they are incredible beautiful women inside it out.

Speaker 1:

And my relationships lacked a depth and intimacy because I didn't know how to go deep with my partners, because I couldn't go deep with myself, because I grew up in a household where my parents didn't really talk to my brother and I about things of significance. They didn't ask us hey, you know like I heard you got bullied at school, how are you feeling? Or I heard you and your girlfriend broke up Like, how's your heart, are you okay? My parents were fighting so much between each other that they didn't have the space to speak to us. And also my parents grew up in a culture where they didn't really talk about their feelings. You know, my mom is, uh, the child of an affair who grew up with many, many siblings from mixed marriages, mixed families, so she didn't have that intimacy and that safety at home for her to open up and share. And my father. You know, the Muslim man from Pakistan. His dad never said hey son, tell me about your emotions, how are you feeling?

Speaker 1:

So I grew up with two parents who didn't know how to talk to each other, and didn't know how to talk to my brother and I. I didn't know how to talk to my partners. So if my girlfriend did something that annoyed me, or maybe jealous or insecure, I wouldn't talk to her about it. I would just create this list in my head of all the things she did that pissed me off. And then one day I'd sit her down and be like, oh babe, it's not working out. And you know, I think like this just isn't the right fit.

Speaker 1:

But what I would do is I would check out of the relationship weeks or months before and this is what an avoided does, right. I would create the list of all the reasons why I don't want to be with her. I would emotionally detach and then a month later I would drop the bomb on her and just like see you later. I'm out of here, you know.

Speaker 1:

And then I would distract myself with other women because I wouldn't want to feel the pain, you know, and I didn't know how to express myself. So that was a pattern that went over and over again. So it was either I was very single and dating lots of really beautiful women at the same time, or I was very committed and in a relationship and all in and often living with my partners, but I always thought that I'd be married by 40. I thought, you know, I love children, I love the idea of having a wife, but again, because my blockages of growing up with two parents who slept in separate bedrooms and a very toxic example of a marriage as much as I said I wanted a marriage, there was part of me that deep subconsciously, like hell, no marriage.

Speaker 2:

I don't want that yeah.

Speaker 1:

You know. So I could say that the several of Max's girlfriends that I could have married, I see them now as wives and mothers. I'm like damn that could, like that could have been us. But my deep psychological programming trauma blocked that. You know. So I this is why I say I didn't have the intention and the consciousness to really and the ability to develop those relationships on a deeper level, to create something more significant.

Speaker 1:

So my relationships had never been longer than one to two years in length. I've never been with a woman longer than two years. And again, that's because the relationships only ever got. They were superficial, in a sense that we liked each other and we had a great time together and we got along and we lived together, but it never went deeper to like, let's get into the issues Like where are you struggling? Where am I struggling? Can we hold space for each other in that struggle and love all parts of one another? But again, I wouldn't ever let my partner know what my shadow parts were, because I didn't even know what they were.

Speaker 1:

You know, and and that is, I would say, the big missing in my previous relationships that I've discovered through doing my personal development work, and I think that's where most relationships get sabotaged is, two people get together before they've healed their own shit and, as we know, you're going to attract a partner that's going to trigger all of the unresolved trauma. Unless you can hold space for another month and work through that together, you're going to trigger the shit out of each other. If you don't invest in the personal development tools, you're not going to know how to handle it. You're going to get divorced a few years later, or you're going to have kids and they divorce 10 years later, living in resentment most of that time, and then you're going to find someone else and you're going to go through it again and again, and again, because it keeps sending you the people and the experiences that you need to heal your shit.

Speaker 1:

So that's why you know, even though I'm 49 and I'm still single, I am glad I've waited because it's taken me this long to really get to know who I am. And how are you supposed to know who you want to spend the rest of your life with if you don't even know who you are? You know, and that's where I see most marriages fall apart, and you know I coach a lot of people who are going through separation or considering it, and I hear the same thing over and over and over again. You know they're just, they're not who they were when they got married and the other partner doesn't want to evolve with them, or they've evolved, they just don't connect anymore, right, and that's why it's so important to have that, that relatability and that shared foundation, so that you can build upon that together.

Speaker 2:

There's so much there I want to touch on. So, this is so good. Thank you for being so transparent. If you go back to the you that you were in the relationships at that time and you were recognizing, did you recognize at the time that there wasn't a depth there? Were you, like hungry for that and missing that? Or could you just totally not see it?

Speaker 1:

You know, my life was so wild, like traveling the world, amazing parties, like I literally lived the life of a celebrity, you know, and it was, it didn't matter to me. You know, I was in my thirties and life was just amazing. I had a beautiful girl on my arm, had a fancy car, great businesses. It's like we don't really stop and question like what's missing or what's wrong, until the shit hits the fan. You know, and that's how most people, especially people with money, that's how most of them are living. It's like, do they feel a bit depressed? Yeah, let's go down a Gucci buy a new outfit. Or, oh man, I'm feeling bummed about that breakup, let's go to Miami. You know, it's like when you have money and resources, it's very easy to numb and distract yourself from the pain. It's only when the shit hit the fan for me after turning 40, that I was like wow, I don't want to keep repeating these patterns and wake up at 50 in the same place. I need to figure out what's going on. And it took this situation getting bad enough that I had to really take a step back and say, okay, what's going on here? Because clearly it's not them. I've dated six or seven amazing women. I'm the common denominator in here. So where's the problem?

Speaker 1:

You know, and I knew I didn't know how to communicate and I knew that there was something missing in. You know, at first I used to blame them. She's just not the right one, it's this, it's that, she's too much, she's not enough of that, and I would do that over and over and over again. But then I would see them move on and be with new partners and be happy and see a whole different side and be like oh wow, that's interesting, they weren't like that.

Speaker 1:

Huh, okay, you know, and it just you have to be honest with yourself and and take ownership and be willing to look like okay, where am I not showing up? Where am I? Where's their room for me to grow and evolve so that I can be the partner that my dream woman wants to be with? You know, and that's when my journey really began is after, you know, turning 40, and just realizing, like, if I want to find my partner, if I want to find the one, I need to become the one, and I got a lot to do if I want to be the one. You know, that's really what's been my journey. The last nine years is just my growth and development to become. You know like if I want to be with the queen, I got to be a king. You know to go a joker to a king, you got a lot of work to do.

Speaker 2:

Let me get out of this circus here and let me figure out what's going on. You said something about. Well, I'm just thinking about this idea of of evolution, right and and change and growth and personal development, and I think we're never done like, we're never done growing, we're never done evolving, and it's become one of my core tenants of a future partner and my friends, just that that I am with somebody that is growth minded, because I've also seen it happen and it happened to me in my past relationship, that that I began to change and evolve so much and the other person didn't, and they're a great human being. But I just believe, through the course, especially if you want a long term partner, if you're not both changing and finding a way to be curious about each other over and over and over, I just don't think the relationship can survive.

Speaker 2:

So then then it's sort of this paradox of because I'm sort of in some more place of, okay, who am I becoming? So how can I attract? Attract this person, but then also understanding that the relationship becomes a container for growth, because the relationship is where, like you said, the triggers are still going to come up, but if we see them as an opportunity and as a gift. Then we're like, okay, we've chosen to commit, to step into this container together and evolve together and and respond and help each other, heal and all and be mirrors and all of that stuff. But finding that balance or not, living in the story that well, I haven't arrived yet and I haven't fixed enough, you know. So I so I can't date because I just got to figure all my shit out. It's like you'll never have it all figured out, but where's the balance there? You know?

Speaker 1:

And even when you think you have it figured out, you think, oh, you know, last three years I've done so much growth. This is amazing. And then you ship this like, oh, then it all to you. I mean, it's in relationship and you really get to see like, okay, how much of what we've learned is actually embodied. You know how much of what we learned in the retreat, in the plant medicine ceremony and the coaching, how much of it has actually stuck.

Speaker 1:

You know, and and I went through that personally where over the last five years I've dated some amazing women, like they are, you know, with each relationship I get closer and closer to really finding that unicorn. You know, and I can see my old patterns coming up and you know my old ways of being in, the blockages that I've carried with me for 40 plus years. Those come up in relationship and to your point and this is, you know, this is why a lot of women are having a real challenge finding a partner is because women are more open to personal development. It's no surprise that women are more heart centered, more emotional, more mature in many ways, because, you know, like guys, for most of our years we're running around, you know, thinking with our other head and, you know, thinking with our other head, my priorities were completely messed up. I was very ego driven, I was very performance driven and it served me well. However, if you really want to find love, if you really want to have that connection and have a woman feel safe, you need to be in your heart, not in your head, and for most men, we don't know what had been our heart Like. It's still a daily practice for me to get out of my head, get into my heart and and allow myself to be more receptive, and women are open to doing their personal development work. They are by far like.

Speaker 1:

When I go to a lot of these spiritual conscious events, or even a lot of my retreats, are predominantly women. I mean now my retreats are 50 50 and going to some events like Dr Joe Dispenza, you'll see a room that's 50 50, which is great to see, because as women evolve and they grow and they get deeper on their path, they need their partner to meet them. They need them to match, not necessarily step for step, but at least show the interest, show that you want to grow and evolve, because a woman will be patient and she'll hold space and support you if you're willing to do the work. But some men are like that's meditation.

Speaker 1:

People say I thought that's spiritual, whatever you know, like, like they only go fire guns or play football or something you know, and there's nothing wrong with playing football. However, if you want to connect with your woman, you have to tap into those feminine energy qualities within you. You have to be able to connect to those feminine elements that exist in all of us, because that is where you'll be able to meet your partner, and they are. That is where a connection can happen.

Speaker 2:

This is kind of a silly question, but maybe it's not. Do you think men want to connect on that level? Because my perception has been, and maybe that's conscious versus unconscious. But to me, when I think about what you know which I don't know if it was John Weinland or David Data or some of these teachers out there, even Joe Dispenza and just this idea of consciousness and being very intimately connected, like the feminine really wants to be seen and known and have had space held for her. But I'm like, I'm trying to perceive do men want that or are they kind of like I'm good if I just have like a playmate?

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So I think all men and all humans wanted. I just think that some men don't actually know they wanted because they've never had that. You know, the close to nurturing and a deep connection they've ever had is with their mom, if they had it. You know, I didn't have that all of my life. I had it in my early years but then for a lot of my you know development years I didn't have that loving, nurturing care from my mom. For you know her own reasons and I think a lot of men, because they have never had that connection. They don't know that they actually desire that.

Speaker 1:

And also, I feel men sometimes think that if they give into that they're going to lose their freedom. Men want their freedom. Men want their time alone. Men want to be able to go out, fulfill their purpose, go and do what they need to do in the world. And they also do enjoy intimacy when they're open to it, when they allow themselves to be intimate and surrender and just connect from the heart. The men that have experienced it love it, because I've I've studied and been a part of some Tantra experiences and couples Tantra, and I've seen that deep intimacy happen when men who are more in their head, you know, tap drop into their heart and are open to exercises that really connect them and their partner on On a really beautiful, intimate level.

Speaker 1:

So, even for my own personal experience, you know, there are some things that Activities and exercises I've been a part of that really allowed me to just surrender to the divine feminine and be held and cherished and be nurtured and cared for. I was like, wow, I Didn't know I need this. Like I didn't know, like this is actually how I craved to be cared for Because, again, a lot of my relationships didn't have that intimacy right. So I believe that as humans, we all want intimacy, we all want to be cared for like that, and if you don't, there's a deep trauma there, there is something that's holding you back, because you may feel like, if I allow someone to care for me like that and to care me, what if they leave? What if I don't have that anymore? You know, so some people don't want to surrender to that type of love and intimacy because I they don't think they're good enough or they think it's not real and they're gonna lose it because at some point you know, maybe you got that from your mom and then your mom left.

Speaker 2:

I feel like everything we love we lose, no matter what one way or another, and I think it's a reality I've come to in my life that has allowed me the freedom to Love in a different way, right, one thing, speaking of freedom that I wanted to come back to I've heard I heard one teacher I can't remember who it was described that he had said you know, I want freedom and I'm he was resisting like a committed relationship because he he had viewed that freedom Was like I could just do whatever I want with all the people and all the things, which for some people that's great, do your thing. But he said, as he got into the committed relationship and then eventually got married, that that was the first time he actually felt freedom because he had everything he wanted right there and he wasn't seeking and chasing anymore and how liberating that freedom was.

Speaker 2:

And then To your point about that kind of intimacy and love, that then he also felt the nourishment of the feminine, which is so I Mean, as I've been doing my inner work and tapping into Not even tapping into Cultivating that I can feel that within myself and imagine what that feels like for the masculine to have the feminine sort of washover, you know, and that there's freedom, that there's freedom and Unliberation within that. But I don't know, I don't know if people aren't experiencing it, that Like how tangible that idea is, you know.

Speaker 1:

And I think the big disconnect is lack of communication, because people don't know how to really consciously speak to one another and express themselves. That has both people feel safe to really open up. So you know, the common narrative is oh, you get married and your life is over. Your wife is gonna drive you like a slave, you're gonna have to, you know Life's gonna go, your kids and this and that, like there's a very negative connotation. A lot of my friends are like you're single, or like people like me bro, don't get married, don't don't. Don't like you lose your life, like you live the best life right now.

Speaker 1:

Like don't get married, you're not might as well crawl up on a cross and die again, part of my blockage to really going all in with a partner and Wanting to get married is I grew up with a mom who said when you kids are old enough, I'm out of here, and being married to your father's like being in jail, and when you kids are, if it wasn't for you kids, I wouldn't be here, you know. So I grew up with the understanding that marriage equals jail and that's been embedded in my mind deep subconscious level and a lot of people.

Speaker 1:

That's true. Now I Know that I'm alone Time in nature, time for me to do what I do, to fulfill my Dharma. My purpose is absolutely essential. My partner wants to see me thrive. My partner wants to see me be a king and Show up as my greatest self every day. And it's in communication that you can design your marriage such that okay, what do you need for me To feel nursed and feel supported? Let me know how I can support you and show up, and this is what I need.

Speaker 1:

And even if your partner wants to go away for two weeks on a solo trip Into nature, because that's what he needs to do you may not like the idea of he go, him going away, but if he needs that because he's gonna come back a more whole, complete, fulfilled version of himself for you, for your kids, for the world then let him go. Do that. Don't be jealous, don't be insecure. Give him that space. You give him that space. He's gonna come back, he's gonna do everything he needs to do for you and if he doesn't, then you're you're with someone who is Not considerate and maybe not Compassionate.

Speaker 1:

But I feel where a lot of marriages break down is Each person in the relationship don't clearly communicate their needs and Are open to accommodating one another's needs, assume that, oh, this is gonna make you happier, you need this, or or you know they, they. They base their assumptions based on the needs that that person may be needed five or ten years ago, but they're a different person now. So I feel that Conscious communication and really being able to talk about what you need to feel fulfilled and nourished is a big missing in a lot of relationships. And when two people can have a conversation about that, without judgment, without criticism, without jealousy, really beautiful things can be created from that place.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I love that, the communicating needs. I feel like it. One of the things that brings up for me that, as I've been delving into the masculine, feminine Peace, is that the masculine will set boundaries with the feminine, and, and so that's something that I think, for strong, independent women, if you haven't started to do the work, you're like there's a resistance to that, but there's also this craving for it. Even if you're unaware, like you know, matter how strong, independent a woman is. There's a desire and the feminine for there to be like a Boundary and a firmness and a what, whatever it is so for for a man in a relationship to say I'm gonna go away for two weeks because this is what I need.

Speaker 2:

Women, I think, consciously or subconsciously, and even very women that are like in their feminine, will test that. And I had a guy once Asked me, like a dude to women test, like it was a negative thing, and then it got me thinking about it and then I was doing all this reading and I'm like, oh, we do, but it's because I want to know how hard I can push against you and how, how steady and consistent and clear and grounded you are, because then once I know that then I'm safe to be like Okay.

Speaker 2:

I can relax here because he's holding the space and he's being clear and there's something that's very like Yummy about a man, that that is like mm-hmm. No, we're not gonna do that or like this is what I need right now.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, and that's exactly is. You know, the masculine energy is the frame. It is a frame, structure of the container and the feminine energy is the magic, the, the passion that flows within it. And a woman doesn't feel the Safety of the frame, the structure, then she can't trust you and she's not gonna surrender. And that's why women will boundaries and see like, okay, she may not like what you have to say, like I'm going away for two weeks, it's what I need, I'll see you when I get back. She may not like it. She's like, okay, you know, damn, when you come back, I will be ready.

Speaker 1:

And a lot of men will Lie, they won't tell the truth, they'll wash you about things, and Because there's a lack of integrity and men aren't necessarily grounded in their word and will communicate with directness, that creates a lack of safety and mistrust. And Then a woman, if she doesn't trust her partner, and then she has to start fending for herself. She's now stepping into her masculine and as a woman In bodies more of her masculine, she becomes less attractive to a masculine man who wants to be with a feminine. You know, and that is why it's so important that men speak clearly and say what they need and don't Don't accommodate, don't like. Say what she wants to hear, even though it's not what you want. You know, women find a man who is speaking his truth and living his purpose very, very attractive, you know, like yeah her drawn to him, you know, because again.

Speaker 1:

Pascual in is a provider, the protector, the fraying, you know, and the woman, even though she, you know, wants her independence. She also wants to know she can surrender and not have to make decisions and not have to think about logistics. And you know, she just wants to see her divine feminine flow and she's gonna treat that man like a king, you know.

Speaker 2:

But you know, I Think one of the things that comes to mind too is you're saying that it's like being impeccable with your word. You know the book for agreements, but this, just it's little ways I find myself in very I'm gonna out myself right now. Okay, even in setting up this call I was like, okay, does he have the link? Is he gonna show up? Like I real, and it's not about you, that's still like a thing in me that I'm like. I've had plenty of people, including men, that have seemed grounded, that just have not followed through on some of the smallest things. That creates a lack of trust.

Speaker 2:

And when somebody just does what they say they're gonna do in a very simple way. Or if we're talking about dating and he's like Okay, I'll pick you up at this time, or I'd like to plan the date, and then he actually plans it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah that all of those things. It doesn't take long for a woman to like, let down her shields and go oh, he's trustworthy. And it's not necessarily about lying, it's about is he consistent? Can I let my guard down and not feel like I have to show up in my masculine and go okay, don't worry about it, I'll plan it, or don't worry about, I'll take care of it? Instantly. That puts you especially for a woman that has overdeveloped that muscle.

Speaker 2:

It is so easy to jump back into that and it's taken me I'll speak for my experience it's taken me a couple, two years now to be able to like, not have that be my knee jerk, and still I have these little moments of like do I need to jump in here? And it's a conscious effort every day to be like. No, like, don't jump in here, surrender in this moment and let people show up for you. But that's kind of the what comes first, the chicken or the egg. So if I just Sometimes to me it almost feels like I'm being aloof because I'm so used to that, the I'm Adapt at being in control in my leadership position and whatever. So if I just let things happen, it can. It feels uncomfortable, but what I have found is that the masculine shows up, like when I surrender and when I soften. The resources there, the support is there, the framework is there, but it's a circle, it's a cyclical thing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and and it's something I hear Often from my female friends like most of my closest friends are women and I hear this the struggles and challenges they go through with dating, where a lot of men are just very wishy-washy, like you said, they'll say something, but then they don't follow through, or even an asking woman out. It's like hey, so like you want to hang out together sometime? They'd be like no, are you free this Friday? I'd like to take you out for dinner. Okay, great, what kind of food you like? Italian, great, I have an amazing Italian restaurant. I'm gonna take you to nine o'clock. I'll be there to pick you up. Do you need anything else? Okay, perfect, see you Friday nine o'clock.

Speaker 2:

That's it, you know and that like melts a woman, that it's just, it doesn't take a lot, but that's like wow.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and then you know, regardless of how the date goes, send a text or send a voice note after hasty, you know. Thank you so much for making time to have dinner with me. I really enjoyed your company and just wishing you a good night. You know I'll speak to you soon. Just that simple follow-up means so much because and and again I'm speaking everything I'm sharing is coming from me learning about what I could have done different in my past relationships. Indeed, I, I'm I coach and I speak from a place of me learning from my own mistakes. So what I'm sharing, what I wished I knew in my twenties and thirties, okay, so you know.

Speaker 1:

And then there are times where maybe you go on a date and you realize, you know what. I don't feel it. I don't think I want to see this person again. Let them know. Let them know and say, hey, you know what? It was a really great meeting you and I enjoyed dinner, I loved our conversation and I just want to be honest with you. I didn't feel a connection. I'm totally open to staying friends, but I don't see this being a romantic relationship. That's it, because I would rather have someone tell me hey, you're great, I like you, but I don't want to see you again like that.

Speaker 1:

Then them just kind of like ghost and disappear. Because when you ghost on someone, first off you feel like shit because you know you've kind of like you've, you've been a little what's the word here? Uh, irresponsible, I would say it a little bit. And then also so you're feeling a bit of guilt and shame because you ghosted on someone and or you're blowing them off. They keep messaging you, you keep making excuses, and that's draining. And for the person who gets ghosted on or left without any sort of clarity, they're like Well, what the hell happened? We had such a good time. We were laughing, like like he's hot, I'm hot, like why I don't get it, is there something wrong with me? What am I doing? And then there there's at least the opportunity to bring closure to it.

Speaker 1:

And then again, that for women helps reaffirm that they can trust men and that men can be open about like men can actually be open and communicate. And you know, one of the things that I'm not proud of, but you know, in my wild single years, yeah, there were times I'd go out with women, we'd sleep together and maybe sleep together a couple of times, and then I just kind of like drift off and and I can see how that behavior and not to say that women don't do it either, but that behavior that men do over and over again breaks a trust for women over and over, to the point where they they now just put up a wall. And now we're like you know what? Yeah, I'm on dating apps just for the free meals. I don't give a shit, I'll go out to a nice dinner, I'll take the free meal, I won't see the guy again, but that's okay, cause you know what? I had 10 guys do that to me before, so screw them, I'm going to do it now.

Speaker 1:

Now women are using dating apps as Uber Eats or I didn't know this.

Speaker 2:

I have an opportunity here.

Speaker 1:

A lot of women, especially in Miami, cause restaurants are expensive in Miami. There's a lot of women out in Miami who and again, it happens everywhere. I'm not, you know, judging or you know um, being derogatory about it by any means, but there are women who use dating apps as just a way to get free dinners, you know, and it's just payback for all the times that guys. You know them, but in a different way.

Speaker 2:

It doesn't sound like a fun way to live to me. I feel like this I'm not trying to be judgy, I can empathize with it and I'm like, ooh, that's a lot of energy in. Miami.

Speaker 1:

You want to dine out, eat in the fancy restaurants or whatever you know and, and you can't afford them and you need content for your Instagram. You know, yeah, that that's happening. Wow, yeah, not to say I'm dating 26 year old women, but I've just heard through and I mean and happens, let's get really real here. Not teasing.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so you would consider yourself a masculine, grounded, conscious man?

Speaker 1:

Yes, I would say so, yes.

Speaker 2:

I just had to like put that out there, what. What are you looking for, then? What does a queen look like to you?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, thank you. So let me pull up my list here. I mean, first and foremost, you know someone who is who's doing the work. You know someone who is secure with who they are. They, they are connected to their heart. They're connected to their higher self. You know they are considering, compassionate towards themselves and to others. They are integrity, you know, in all aspects of their life. They're taking care of their health, they're taking care of their relationships. They're taking care of their spirit.

Speaker 1:

You know, for me, because my life, my work, is really dedicated to supporting and helping others, I need a woman who supports my mission, who understands my purpose and is okay to let me do what I need to do, to really show up in my full power, because I'm here to change the world, you know, and I need my queen next to me to make that happen, for me to really rise to my full King status. I need my queen, you know. I know I could only go so far on my own, and I want family, I want kids. So someone who is wanting to be a mother and someone who respects and honors the values of family is super important to me, because I want to create a different family dynamic. I want to break the pattern of my parents and grandparents and whatnot. So that's very important to me. Someone who likes to have fun and dance and get dressed up, and you know like I like the bougie shit. Still, I like staying in nice hotels, driving fancy cars.

Speaker 1:

I want someone who can walk in both worlds. You know the materialistic and the spiritual conscious world and, of course, first and foremost, the chemistry. You know the chemistry, the passion, the attraction. That is absolutely essential, of course. So you know, in many ways I want someone who is my equal.

Speaker 1:

You know someone who wakes up every day and asks how can I be a better person today? How can I grow and learn and expand? How can I have some fun? You know, how can I make a difference? And that is really what it is that I'm looking for. And I you know the challenge that I find is that the level of consciousness and characteristics I want don't necessarily align with the aesthetic that I want, and I'll be totally open and say that.

Speaker 1:

You know, for me, aesthetics is very, very important. Coming from my background, having dated very attractive, beautiful women, surrounded by many, many beautiful women all the time, my definition, my perspective of what is attractive to me is is high, and part of why I'm going through this six months of celibacy right now and practicing the feminine plans is because I want to reset that. You know, I want to fall in love with someone's energy. I want to allow myself to connect to the feminine, not just based on how she looks, how she dresses or what her body looks like, but more so, her true feminine essence is is what is important to me, because ultimately, you know, you can be with a supermodel After a year or two.

Speaker 1:

It's like, okay, yeah, they're very attractive. Okay, great, what else? You know what? What? What is beyond that, you know? So that is my own journey and my work to do, and I have met very attractive women who are also spiritual and conscious and and very much what it is that I'm looking for. And I can still see that there are those blockages and there are those old stories and beliefs that still exist within me that I have yet to shed, but I'm aware of them and I'm intentionally working to release them. And you know, as I say, knowing is half the battle, right? So yeah, I would say that would be. That would pretty well describe the goddess.

Speaker 2:

That is the goddess list if I've ever heard one.

Speaker 1:

And I know some. I mean, I see them, they're out there. Unfortunately, they're in partnerships or marriages already, so I do know they exist. But yeah, I would say, in many ways I am looking for a freaking unicorn, you know, but that's also because in many ways I considered myself to be my own version of a unicorn. You know, I've worked through your heart.

Speaker 2:

I wonder if sorry to interrupt you, I'm keeping her.

Speaker 2:

I'm wondering if, like, everybody feels that way, because I feel like that's a common sentiment of like what I'm looking for I just shared it was one of the episodes I just posted, but I just shared this idea of like.

Speaker 2:

I feel like I'm asking a lot of the universe and a future partner, and in my life I've been telling myself this story like you're really asking for a lot, and then I, every once in a while, I get this kind of nudge to just like write and I feel like what I write isn't always from me and what came out was well, what if the truth was the universe was asking a lot of you? And what if the desires that you have are actually divinely placed? What if I didn't make up those desires? What if I'm a co-creator, co-conspirator with the universe? And so I'm not, I'm not asking too much, I'm not looking for a unicorn. The universe has, like, put those desires there and that has been. I don't know if that's true or not we'll see but but I feel like it's been a freeing thought to have, I guess, or a freeing perspective, that that maybe I'm not like creating something that I'm chasing that is impossible to find you know, yeah, it's been freeing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

You've got. You do have quite a list, though. Okay, wait. I want to come back to the. I want to come back to the feminine cleanse, because nobody that's listening is going to be like what is this feminine cleanse? Can you tell us what it is and why you're doing this?

Speaker 1:

I'm not sure who exactly created it, but John Wyland speaks of it. There's a video on his blog where he explains what feminine cleanse is. So it is a minimum of six months of celibacy A year is recommended. So six months to a year, they say you don't even start to feel the results or impact of it until at least three months. So it's it's not just celibacy, refraining from sex, masturbation, obviously porn Anything that gives you a dopamine hit from the feminine is to be cut out.

Speaker 1:

So, for example, I was probably following two to 300 really beautiful women on Instagram, you know, and the algorithm will keep feeding you or putting what you watch in your feed. So I intentionally removed actually about 1200 people from my Instagram, and a lot of them were just beautiful women that I just started to follow along the way. I had conversations with women that I was texting and chatting with, just letting them know like, look, I won't be in contact for the next six months because I'm practicing celibacy and a feminine cleanse and I I'm I'm not going to put time and energy into any non-plotonic relationships. So being clear and communicating to any women that you have any entanglement with is necessary, essentially, spending a lot of time alone in nature, allowing yourself to tap into the feminine essence within you.

Speaker 1:

So I've rented this country home two hours north of Toronto for four months. Every morning I'm playing classical music, I've got my incense, I bought beautiful flowers, big plants. Like I'm hiking in nature, I'm connecting to the feminine elements that exist around me so I can connect to those feminine elements within me, not allowing yourself to get distracted. For example, you go to Starbucks and you're at a cafe and you order coffee and the barista is kind of cute. You know you notice yourself kind of lingering and being extra chatty. It's like no, tall blonde, one shirt, oh no, thank you, goodbye, you know, like I am a cold-hearted bitch these days.

Speaker 1:

It's just about being not like. As for as men and women, we do this, but I notice how and again this is part of how I develop my confidence not fitting in, as you know, in my younger years, when I could be charming and dress well and have a fit body. These are all ways I get the attention from the feminine and I Don't have a problem meeting women. I don't have a problem tracking women. I have a problem keeping women, going deep with them. So Something in the way of my being, of my interactions with women, works and doesn't work. It works in short term. It doesn't work in the long term.

Speaker 1:

There are things I do, a perspective. I have ways I communicate that have served me in many ways to a certain point in my life but aren't going to Allow me to create the relationship and have the life that I truly desire. So it's about really cleansing and Taking a step back and noticing all the ways we look for the female validation that we want. That feminine dopamine hit and catching myself over and over again noticing like I hosted an event a few weeks ago it's, it's literally like kicking a habit, whether be drugs, alcohol.

Speaker 1:

Detox yeah and a friend of mine who inspired me to do this cleanse. He's into eight months. He said the first three months is just getting clean, the next Three to six months is getting sober. So it's like an alcoholic. You can say, yeah, I cut out alcohol and you cut out alcohol for three months, that's easy. But can you cut it out for good Like? Can you like now, live your life Having a drink here and there, but never falling back into alcoholism? You know, and some people never can. They need to be dry for the rest Of their life. But then some people, after a year of being clean sober, they can have a glass of wine every now and then. So for me, obviously, they may say I'm counterintuitive, that I want to find a partner, I want to get married, so I'm not having sex or dating for six months.

Speaker 2:

The thing is, is or maybe ever, apparently, if you get here.

Speaker 1:

I'm not gonna say for me to let's say clean, for me to Really let go of ways of being that don't serve this relationship I want to create, I have to detox and let go and release All the things I've been doing over the last 30-ish years that have that I've developed as my way of interacting with women. So a little bit about feminine cleanse, but if you want to know more about it, you know Google John Wyland feminine cleanse, the great video that explains it.

Speaker 2:

For sure, yeah, thank you for being so open. I feel like you're sharing Pieces that just people don't talk about, right, but I'm like it's really real and it's and so much of it is at a subconscious level. I think one of the past conversations we had You'd mentioned like the gym and I, when I'm at the gym in the morning and I've been noting to myself like, oh yeah, there are moments that I'm kind of like noticing, am I being noticed? And it's like if I just put a bag on, it'd be a different experience, right, because what am I really looking for? Like nothing ever comes of that, anyways, it's just, like you said, these little dopam, dopamine sort of hits or whatever. So I really appreciate your transparency with it, because it's just stuff people don't really talk about, but it's real.

Speaker 1:

It is real and you know most of people who I have talked to about it to be like, wow, I think I need to do that. Also, I think I need to a masculine clients. I'm like, well, if you think you do, then you do. Because I first heard about this eight months ago, I'm like right away I was like Shit, summers come in, I'm going to Miami, I'm gonna be traveling. I'm like bad timing. Then what really broke the straw for me is in September I was in Tulum and I did something the old Zark would do and In doing that I said, wow, after all this coaching, after all the work, I just did something the old version you would do, and that's not, that's not. And I called up my buddy. I said I'm ready to do the cleanse. So I started October 1st and, yeah, it's gonna be a journey.

Speaker 2:

Do you have like a chain link that you created, you know, with construction paper? You're like taking it off one day at a time, like.

Speaker 1:

Thing as well as like when you're not looking for it, that's that's when you find it. And also when a man is grounded, focused, not distracted, he's present. That's when a woman finds him most attractive. You know, and what I could say is, like the last three years, I've really been looking for it. I've been looking for on dating apps, I've been looking for it in the restaurants, I've been looking for it, you know, at the gym, and I'm tired of looking for it. You know, I want to attract it and in order to attract it, I have to become the one, and that's what I'm doing. I am doing my work to become the one to become. You know that there's a woman out there who's describing her man and who her king is, and I am him.

Speaker 2:

I.

Speaker 1:

Am becoming him, you know, and I will meet her when one, when we're both ready, yeah yeah, and this episode gets out there, there are gonna be plenty women lined up.

Speaker 2:

She's like, but he's my one. There's gonna be so many women like, how can he be yours, he's mine? Okay, I have one last guy know we're like at time. But one question that I I saw online from a feminine embodiment coach that I thought was really interesting was, as a masculine man, when do you find a woman Powerful in a way that is Like attractive to masculine energy? What is what is power in a feminine woman actually look like?

Speaker 1:

so I have many my close girlfriends are mothers and some are single moms and you know, when I see a woman being a mother and being supportive and Loving but then also Handling her shit like you know, like being able to being able to balance the masculine, the feminine, where, yes, she's a mother and loving and nurturing and also dance and be artistic, but also she has a level of Structure and groundedness to her that that yin yang balance I think is really powerful, because often it's too much on either side. So I feel that is very attractive when a woman has her shit together but she can also surrender and let go. Yeah, I would say, when a woman is really in her divine feminine, really flowing and able to open up, but at the same time I Hold her boundaries, I really, I really respect that, I appreciate it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's not what I expected. I don't know. I think I had an expectation, but I think that's really lovely.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, and you know, there's also times where a woman has been very clear with her communication and also said what she wanted, you know, and and has told me what she didn't like and has given me really valuable Feedback and even criticism, you know. Thank you for that and setting in a loving way, you know, yeah.

Speaker 2:

There's something I feel like I'm coming to believe, like specifically in Intimate relationships, that the feminine is like an oracle. I just think that that there's that, that I think it's been sort of historically seen, and even in spiritual work, that the man is the leader. Well, what does it mean for him to lead? But also I do think there's this like exchange that happens when both are connected to divine, in particular where when a woman can see things that are meant to Propel, uplift, exhort, pull out, like, and so I think I think that's super powerful. I think that there's also a lot of power in a Woman's words that create. I mean, the feminine is creation, and so there's so much power in the words that she could speak to her man too, that that Birds things in him even.

Speaker 2:

I don't know it's hard to kind of put it into words, but yeah, yeah, and I spoke to that earlier.

Speaker 1:

Like I said, I do know of these unicorn goddesses that exist and a lot of them are like. I see it in some of my Friends, wives, or some of the coaches that I'm friends with, the people who are very successful. I see their dynamic and I know that he is able to be that successful because he's got a powerful wife behind him who is making sure that his life, their lives, work. He's out there doing his thing, live in his purpose, make his money, changing lives, and he's got an amazing woman behind him that Allows him to thrive at that level. You know, and some may say, well, oh, so what? Powerful means a woman at home with the kids. It's like no, there's so much more to that. I mean, a woman is so much more powerful than a man where she creates life. Like, without women, we are screwed, you know.

Speaker 1:

Or not and that's why they like that balance, that power that a woman has to be able to be loving and nurturing but also be, you know, the rock behind the man that is. That's, that's power, you know. And I believe a man can only go so far on his own and and you can reach great, great success on your own, no doubt you know. But when you have that Queen who is there, you support you to keep you Nourished in every way. That's, that's sacred union, that is a power couple, you know.

Speaker 2:

A new power couple definition. I like it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's not about a for power. It's about having a shared vision and knowing that both play a very important role In their own powerful way.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, okay, I feel like we should wrap. We could talk for a long time. I have like 14 questions. I didn't ask you. Do a part two sometime, or okay, maybe when you get near the end of your cleanse, we'll do. We'll do like a what is it not a coming out party? I don't know what you'd call it.

Speaker 1:

Maybe we'll do a group zoom call then and we can have other, maybe some of your audience.

Speaker 2:

Cesar, if people are looking for more information, if they want to coach with you or get resources, where can they find you?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so my website is our akfatacom, my Instagram at Zara Fata. I host retreats. I work with both men and women, either one-on-one and also in a group coaching program I'm launching in January. You can join in any time and, you know, really my mission is just to help people to Heal what they're holding on to from the past. You know, really take their life to the next level and you know, I am a true life transformation coach. That's, that's my gem. I help people transform their lives in every way because, as I said in the beginning this podcast, your relationship, your marriage, your business how are you supposed to know what you're gonna create in your life and in the world if you don't really know who you are? And you don't know who you are until you've healed the stuff from the past. So that's what I help people do, you know, just rise up to be their most authentic, powerful self.

Speaker 2:

But thank you so much for being here today and for your time. I feel really thankful for the opportunity to to chat with you and get to know you and getting your head a little bit and and Inside the mind of a conscious man I think that might have to be the title of the episode.

Speaker 1:

So and in the heart.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Yes, absolutely All right. Thank you, Zara.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for having me. Great seeing you as always.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for tuning in. I hope that this episode is supporting you in becoming your most whole self so that you can lead your most full life. You are definitely worthy and deserving of that. All of the resources that we shared today are gonna be linked in the show notes. You can check those out there, along with ways that you can connect with us if you've got questions or feedback or people that you think we should reach out to to highlight their story on the whole shebang podcast. In the meantime, please be sure to hit that follow button so you don't miss a beat. Share this episode, or any others, with those that you think could benefit from this conversation, and you can do the podcast a huge favor by leaving a five star review In the meantime. I hope that you have a fantastic Bangin Day.

Exploring Masculine Energy and Personal Growth
Unconscious Years
Personal Growth and Evolution in Relationships
Balance Personal Development and Intimate Relationships
Effective Communication in Relationships
Building Trust and Communication in Relationships
Exploring the Concept of Feminine Cleanse
Personal Growth and Attracting Love Journey
Power of the Feminine in Relationships
Support for Your Best Life