Identifying the Creator Within, Multifaceted Identity and Transformation with Sarah Bonneville

Speaker 1: 0:00

I feel so obsessed with asking everybody that I ever talked to about, like what, what do you create? What are you creating? What are you creating? What are you creating? Everybody has the creator. You're the creator, I'm the creator, you're the creator. And a lot of the time that gets expressed as artist. Not everybody feels that they identify with the word artist, but there is creation, there is creator, and perhaps that's expressed as being a mom, that's expressed greatly as being the good cook, or maybe you are a painter, or maybe you make houses, make make rooms, but there there is the creator, there is the creator, and what I feel like very and I feel very focused on is locating what that is in people, in the individual conversations that I'm having, because everybody so far that I'm talking to about that feels their, their energy really changes when they're like oh well, let me tell you about it.

Speaker 2: 1:02

Welcome to the Wholeship, ang. I'm Jen Briggs, your host. This podcast was born after seeing patterns of burnout, disconnection and lost passions in all of life, and I believe it's because we functioned in part and not in whole society as championed to sort of overdeveloped left brain hustle culture, energy, and I think we've shoved right brain principles like empathy, intuition, creativity and playfulness into the shadows and it just isn't working anymore. But here's what excites me I'm seeing signs everywhere that we're entering a new era that is vibrant and magnetic. So I'm inviting you to come along with me as I interview authors, business owners and, of course, chat with my friends. You'll learn new practices for everyday life, cultivating creative approaches to run conscious businesses, develop more dynamic relationships and, most importantly, I believe that you'll become more and more wholly authentically you. It's what we truly need. The complete package, the whole shebang. So buckle up buttercups. We're diving in. So glad you're buckled up, because today is a wild ride.

Speaker 2: 2:13

I sit down with a friend and colleague, sarah Bonneville, a true creative, and she is an example of someone who is living an unapologetically authentic kind of life. If there's anything that you take from this conversation today, it may be how to follow your unique path so that you can live a life that feels magical to you and is a gift to the world. We cover what it means to be multi-dimensional and wear many different hats. We talk about the process of transformation being in a chrysalis and how Sarah is dying daily to smallness. We hear about her process of creating the album. We talk about the importance of art and discovering the creator within each and every one of us, plus so much more. But before we dive in, I want to read the bio that she sent my way. It's going to give you a great taste of who she is.

Speaker 2: 3:01

Sarah Bonneville is a 511 modern mystical artist and a businesswoman who enjoys deadlifting skipping, a strong single origin espresso and feeling deeply as an up-and-coming, cutting-edge music maker and producer. She works diligently in her music portal studio, uncocasing out the stories that ask to be told through her. Bonneville quietly released her first-ever musical body of work, ep1, in April 2023, after taking a winter sabbatical away from her work to squat for booty gains and worked devotionally on music production. Minnesota local radio station 89.3, the current, founded immediately and featured Bonneville as one of the 10 Minnesota-based artists in the current's monthly May scouting report. Sarah Bonneville has more releases planned, but she's primarily focused on living in the flow state and leading a really cool, high-quality, inspirational life. So there you have it, folks. Here we go. Buckle up, okay, sarah Bonneville.

Speaker 1: 4:06

Jen Briggs. Welcome to the whole shebang.

Speaker 2: 4:09

Thank you. Yeah, it is one end. Thank you. How do you want me to introduce you to people?

Speaker 1: 4:18

Wow, the way I tend to introduce my people myself. Perhaps sometimes it's like hi, my name is Sarah Bonneville. I wear my heart on my face.

Speaker 2: 4:32

I like that because it's not a label. It's who you are.

Speaker 1: 4:36

Right, yeah, yep, and it's quite uncomfortable actually sometimes, because when I'll show up in accountability and when I'll show up at fire up meetings and whatever, I'm just like very, I don't know. Sometimes it almost feels like it's too much me. But I know that all we're ever trying to do is like be authentic. You know, get to be your most authentic self.

Speaker 2: 4:59

And gosh. What led you to introducing yourself that way versus any other way?

Speaker 1: 5:06

Yeah, there it is.

Speaker 1: 5:13

They have really good outtakes from this. I feel so much and I used to think that feeling so much was almost a disability. One of the stories I guess I have about that is that when I was in massage therapy school, getting toward the end, I thought I was going to die, like literally die. I thought I was going to die because it was so like. I thought I was like absorbing everybody's energy and like didn't know how to deal with my own and I just like didn't know how to think about energy, sort of in the right, what feels like a more right way or a better way now. And I guess what it feels to me when I say that. It feels like sort of owning this very almost ridiculous cartoon character that I get to be in the life, because it's really fun to be this character. It's really fun and I think that that's sort of like an honest and candid way, even though it's quite scripted now, but it feels like a candid way to sort of explain what you're going to get.

Speaker 2: 6:30

Who's the cartoon character?

Speaker 1: 6:31

Yes, you do Well it's just like this talk. I mean, it feels like you know, I showed up here and was like, okay, I, I biked here and my sweaty stuff. I'm going to change it. I'm going to sit down and close my costumes. You know, it's just like who's the character today, today's the real estate agent, tomorrow is the musician or whatever, and I feel like very aware of being this. You know, multi-dimensional, like forever entity of energy that is embodying different jobs throughout the day, like, and then there's a costume for those things.

Speaker 2: 7:05

Yeah, and I feel like there's the, there is a costume and you embody that. Being like your costume is an extension of who you are. Yeah, and the bit that I've gotten to know about you and the or maybe I should say the experience I've had of you, is like very consistent. Whether you're in this podcast costume or real estate costume, like you, to me feel very consistent.

Speaker 1: 7:34

That is so nice to hear. I accept. I accept this feedback.

Speaker 2: 7:40

Yeah, good job receiving Thanks. Yeah, okay, wow cool.

Speaker 1: 7:46

Well, I just appreciate sort of this opportunity and also, just in my own universe right now, feel sort of on the precipice of like great change again and that's so. It's a really uncomfortable feeling, but it's one that I consistently show up for just in my own, like thoughts and the way I want to be in the world and, you know, like changing careers and I actually engage with change and this is a new change, this is a new environment, and that feels like I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know. I mean, honestly, like I came to that the she speaks and, even though I had already told you on the internet, like I don't want to come to that she speaks for those who don't know is like a podcast club that I'm doing in our work environment for women.

Speaker 2: 8:45

Why didn't you want to come to it? What's wrong with you? I?

Speaker 1: 8:48

didn't want to come to it, but I also was. I think what I said to you was like I, that sounds awesome, but I don't want another thing on my calendar. And you were like, yeah, okay, sounds good. And then it came up. I was like I want to go to that and I wanted to go to it because there's. It seemed like okay, this is another room that I can be in with more powerful women. Like there's other, more other and more powerful women that are doing the same or similar things that I could learn from. And that's like where I'm trying to be. And that was a really powerful session. Like it was really fun to be there. It was kind of a this dreamy one hour session of hearing what other people are really working through.

Speaker 2: 9:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, if I can reflect back to you, why? Why I think you're here why am I here?

Speaker 2: 9:36

Because I'm so curious about you, for one, because you're like a gem of a human and you're so yourself, and, and as I've gotten to know more about you, you're like, um, like you will just spit these truths out kind of out of nowhere and I'm like, ooh, what's happening, what's happened and what's inside of you and who are you really? Not that just. I just haven't gotten a chance to like hear your heart, like you wear your face on your.

Speaker 1: 10:16

You wear your face on your sleeves, my cuff links on my toes.

Speaker 2: 10:21

What you wear your heart on your face and you've got so much, I feel like you're kind of like a genius.

Speaker 1: 10:30

Okay, I accept, I accept.

Speaker 2: 10:40

I just feel like it was so much in you that I want to hear.

Speaker 1: 10:46

Okay, that's so fun for me. Well, sometimes I was telling my friend this the other day I don't feel like I fit in rooms. Sometimes I feel like I am so much energy that I feel like I will almost. Actually, it's just burst into a pile of sparkles. That's what it feels like sometimes.

Speaker 2: 11:04

That's happening right now, I feel like it's happening.

Speaker 1: 11:06

I'm really quelling it. I'm really quelling it. I told okay, I have this small story about that. So I told my friend that I go to this certain gym that will remain unnamed because I'm crazy. That's what I said. And my sweet friend, who is the sedentary son, he said no, dude, you don't go there because you're crazy, you go there because you are big energy. And I said I've never been so sane, you are big energy.

Speaker 2: 11:34

What's this gym like? It's just a lot of big energy people, or what. What do you mean? It's CrossFit. Oh yeah, it's CrossFit. Why can't you name it?

Speaker 1: 11:42

I don't know If you will give me shit. Why, I don't know, because they don't go there. Okay, and the reason I go there is because I thought of it. I thought of it and realized that I had any thought about it other than it exists. I was like CrossFit is something, and then I was like, wait, what? Why do I think that? So I went, good for you, thanks. And now, wow, and then I did a bunch of squats all winter and then I took a picture of my legs and now that's my album cover and your legs look hot. They look really good. Have you seen them? Thanks for saying that, have you?

Speaker 2: 12:16

seen them. I'm definitely going to put your legs on the Instagrams. They look pretty good.

Speaker 1: 12:22

They look pretty good. Yeah, great Thanks for saying that, yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:28

Okay, so give me like a little bit of backstory on you.

Speaker 1: 12:32

Oh jeez.

Speaker 2: 12:33

Because I really don't know when did you grow up and do you have siblings, and what was your previous career and stuff.

Speaker 1: 12:42

I was born in Fort Campbell, kentucky, which is technically in two states. I love that fact. My dad was in the army. My mom made five more siblings, some one of six total. You're the first, I'm the third, okay, and there's three gals, three boys, okay, the Brady Bunch, for real. And we've lived in Minnesota since 96. So since I was six, so I'm 33. And we lived in Plymouth. They live in the same house still and my parents are together still and some of my siblings live out of state. One thing that I was reflecting on with a friend earlier and that I actually called my mom about after our session yesterday and yesterday we were just talking about like intuition and like how to tend yourself and I don't know things, things like that. But I called my mom because I just wanted to thank her for a couple of specific moments that I could remember where she was inadvertently supporting my like little, like my eight year old self and 10 year old self in my like intuition.

Speaker 1: 13:46

I was like I don't want to go there to like a certain instance Like I was like I am scared to go there, I don't want to go there, I don't want to go there, and she was like explaining to my dad and she just was really helping. Support that quality.

Speaker 2: 14:03

Like, if you feel, for any reason, that you don't want to go there, then we don't go there. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:09

But I wanted to thank her for that specifically, because I really remember those moments, a feeling like my mom's got my back, like she's got me and that's like so awesome. And both my parents like have always led with an absolute sense of like undying love, even in situations of turmoil and whatever. But but they're just always leading with love and and and now they even still like, when I'll have a closing, they'll be like you did it again, we're so proud of you, and I'll be like wow, I still care about that.

Speaker 2: 14:45

That still feels. Good to hear. It still feels good. Yeah, so that foundation is what a gift.

Speaker 1: 14:51

So I call them constantly and I'm thanking them for this gift of like undying, like love foundation. Can you believe that?

Speaker 2: 14:58

That's so beautiful.

Speaker 1: 15:01

Yep, yep, yeah, okay, so you have amazing parents, yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:06

You have siblings that I also presume are amazing.

Speaker 1: 15:07

Yeah, yeah, and I'm like how affectionate we all were just growing up like being very affectionate, Of course it's all got our stuff until I became really affectionate around other people and they're like whoa, you're in my bubble. They're like you're really close. You should become a massage therapist.

Speaker 2: 15:21

And so I did.

Speaker 1: 15:22

And so I did, yeah. So I mean I actually wanted to go to learn how to cut hair, because I was cutting hair for beer for a while, because I wasn't yet 21.

Speaker 2: 15:36

We know how it is. Is this your first story? Yes, okay, we had a thousand siblings, so I was always cutting my brother's hair.

Speaker 1: 15:41

I'm just going to laugh my way into this whole episode. They need a haircut every five minutes and so, and then I also got to hold up some hair dye, so I was you better believe I was experimenting on them, wow. So I was just cutting hair at our house because we were like homeschooled and whatever just had a big house and oh, there's also acreage. We had acreage and we spent a lot of time outside, outside, and I'm a middle child and I was quiet, so I got a lot more alone time.

Speaker 2: 16:14

You were quiet. Yes, how did you become unquiet, oh God?

Speaker 1: 16:20

I went to middle school and was not making friends as like a shy, quiet, sad girl, and I asked my friend Christina and I said hey, how do you be loud? I like actually asked for that and then just kind of watched how other people, how other like beings, other kids, were like being making friends and they were like saying words out loud instead of only in the red. I don't know, I just feel like an alien. That was like oh, if you watch what they do and like do that and then you'll have some friends.

Speaker 2: 17:02

So, but then did you discover, like, oh, this feels good and this is actually who I am, or like what? How did?

Speaker 1: 17:08

you.

Speaker 2: 17:08

Well, because you don't feel like quiet now.

Speaker 1: 17:11

Well, I, I, I feel that my like natural tendencies are more about introversion, like I really need to go be alone for a long time after being very extroverted, for I feel very practiced in extroversion, but it was like I needed to take a lot of time to like practice being extroverted and and have I feel that I've like come into this. Perhaps this is like also the character of the cartoon that I'll say and some people have given me some flack about calling it a cartoon, but I don't know, I have that's kind of how I'll remember things this sort of cartoonish, but but I practice. I wanted to practice being extroverted because it was so hard and sort of draining and cause all I mean, all I wanted to do was just like make my clothes and like be alone and whatever. And then, I don't know, I just like started getting to sports and like realizing like yeah, you have to like talk, talk to people.

Speaker 1: 18:08

Talk to people. Yeah, then, I don't know, at some point discovered like I really like one on ones. That is like very nourishing, really fun and I get a lot out of that and I really like the sense of sort of intimacy and that also served me really well in massage therapy and people would come in gosh like after, after doing that for some years, people would just come in to the room like a new client, would walk in and just practically burst into tears immediately, and so that that's given me so, so much.

Speaker 2: 18:42

Why was that? Why do you think they well?

Speaker 1: 18:45

I mean, after some years I was like realizing that I I know how to like have a space. I know how to kind of curate the space and set it up, so that's. You know they walk in and they sit here and they're just like in this, comfortable, good smelling. You know their senses are drawn in and they know that they come here and they know they feel good and they leave. And it's always like word of mouth, like I never advertised for that business.

Speaker 2: 19:07

It has to be more than the aesthetics, though.

Speaker 1: 19:09

Well, yeah, so um good luck over here. Yeah, okay, let me see Go Sorry, what's your question?

Speaker 2: 19:14

How did you create a space where people would walk in without knowing you and like burst into tears, and what were the tears about? That feels a little presumptuous.

Speaker 1: 19:23

Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but that would happen, but it happened, but it happened. That's what. That's correct. That's correct. I've learned along the way that, like from other body workers or other I don't know other women or other people that like do that sort of thing to set the tone, like set the actual, like vibration of the room to be a certain way, and I would like, you know, be fed and have like met my needs and I'm like ready and like comfortable clothes and you're serving.

Speaker 2: 19:56

You're also showing up to like I'm here to serve this person that's walking through the door.

Speaker 1: 20:01

So I'm like I'm going to be very receptive sort of yeah, like be in receptivity Cool.

Speaker 2: 20:07

Yeah, so how many years did you?

Speaker 1: 20:10

do that. I got in since 2011.

Speaker 2: 20:14

Okay, so you ran your own practice, and then what was after that for you? So I did that until 2020.

Speaker 1: 20:21

And then there was no touching allowed. There was no touching allowed. So then I kind of had real estate back here. I was like I'll do that someday. I'll do that someday, because I used to actually do these wellness days at a different brokerage and would just go set up my table there for some hours, like once a year for some years and so, and then real realtor's are like real culty people. They're like you should do it too, you should do it too. And I'd be like, yeah, I should do it too. Yeah, and I'd walk out of there and breathe air for the first time all day and say oh my gosh, I'm way too busy for that.

Speaker 1: 20:58

So I don't know. I just was too busy in my budding wellness career. But after there was no touching allowed, I was like this is a good time to get my real estate license. So I just signed up. Have you ever considered like stand-up comedy? Thanks for saying that. I don't know even what the jokes are. Don't even know what the jokes.

Speaker 2: 21:20

But you're so funny and you're like with your body and like you're doing what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 21:27

This is it. This is me coming out of the stand-up comedian.

Speaker 2: 21:29

She's gonna walk away today. Like Jen says, I'm a genius and a stand-up comedian.

Speaker 1: 21:32

She's saying some nice things to me. I'm gonna try not black out.

Speaker 2: 21:37

That's a joke, that was a funny one. Okay, thank you, you're welcome. Okay, just do jokes, do compliments, make you hot.

Speaker 1: 21:46

Yeah, and then I can't remember, actually, what you said. I, like might not remember what you said. Well, good thing we're recording it so you're gonna be able to listen back to it, okay.

Speaker 2: 21:54

Okay. So when you got here, you mentioned that you felt like you were in a chrysalis. Yep.

Speaker 1: 22:04

Yeah, I'm gonna hold this.

Speaker 2: 22:05

Hold this. She's holding a rose quartz globe. This is bigger than a softball, I think it is for sure. It's like a grapefruit.

Speaker 1: 22:14

It's really good.

Speaker 2: 22:16

So talk to me about like what the chrysalis? Like you're in a chrysalis right now. You feel like you're on the verge of, you're in a transformative phase. Yeah, talk to me about it. Like what, what are you transforming from and what are you transforming into? Or like, do you know yet?

Speaker 1: 22:37

I'm coming up with an answer and trying to breathe first.

Speaker 2: 22:41

You can do that.

Speaker 1: 22:44

So this year has been so effin cool. I live like a really magical life, wow, okay, three things, three magical things I could not have foreseen this year, and now that they've happened are that one my partner and I moved to Thailand for the winter. That's magical. So we came back February, february, and so that's first of all. We talked about doing that a long time ago, but we just like finally did it we did it.

Speaker 1: 23:20

We moved, we lived there for three months. It was really like it was good, really good for me, really good for my brain. Two, I bought my first property. Yeah, yeah, yo, yo, that's really cool. And three, I finally put out like officially, went through the process of releasing music into the universe.

Speaker 2: 23:45

Yeah, and we're definitely going to talk about that for a hot minute.

Speaker 1: 23:48

Wow, and all I think all three of those things to me feel, feel quite unbelievable. And now, like the now me is like are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? I can't, I can't do that.

Speaker 1: 24:06

But I remember about this time, or no, like about it was kind of this time last year I was talking to Lindsay Frawley, my coach at the time. Lindsay Frawley, whoop, whoop, and I was like, hey, I think I have to move to Thailand for three months. And she's she was like, yeah, cool, do it. And I was like, what, just do it. Whatever she like then helps me kind of like talk through some of the logistics of like how you would do that with a very thriving real estate business. And I was like, what do you mean? That's okay to do, like that's like really nice that there's affirmation.

Speaker 1: 24:36

But at that moment it was also just this like I've got to change again. I've got to change again, which intellectually, you know, leads to better, maybe not even necessarily better, but like you're evolving, you are always evolving. You're always evolving or you're dead. That's true. Participating in the evolution in real time, I think, requires getting into that. Or like allowing myself, yourself, ourselves, to get into the chrysalis. Even though it's like okay, I have to like die again, which is not comfortable, it's not a comfortable thing to do.

Speaker 2: 25:21

Oh, let's pause there for a minute Because I feel like there's so much power in that this, like I have to die again and what it means to let. Who is it that? Wrote Collenin? She talks about letting the old things burn, like letting things burn and letting things die, and that that is a part of the transformation process. So talk to me if you're, if you want to go, if you're willing to go there, want to go there, about what it means to you to die again.

Speaker 1: 26:01

I have a like a tiny funny story about that. Can't wait.

Speaker 1: 26:06

Can't wait. I don't even remember exactly the beginning of this, but I just started having this fascination with, with that, with sort of I guess I just started thinking about that, just started thinking about like, okay, I'm not going to live forever, what is it to evolve? Like what? Even I don't know? Like what, what am I for? What is like? What is potential? Like does it matter? Does any of it matter? Because really, you're just we're just going to die, like you just should eat good food and have nice conversations. Then we're going to die, and then what, and then what. And so I started having this kind of fascination with like trying to learn to let go, like trying to learn to let go, because I started, I think, just just like the process of learning about myself. I started to think about like me as an adult, and what am I even going to do as an adult, and like what kind of characters is going to be, and like that kind of requires like releasing of I don't know juvenile tendencies, and like the old ways and maybe maybe the old ways of how I show up in the world.

Speaker 1: 27:12

And the funny story is that I was like biking. I was biking downtown and I found a funeral flag. It's a bright orange, magnetic funeral flag. Somebody just sticks on a car while they're in a funeral procession. I was like oh yep, so I picked it up and I put it in my backpack so it was sticking out of my backpack. So when I was riding around town, there's just a funeral flag sticking out of my backpack For like a year. I did that for like a year and then just like had this around with me as a sort of totem to myself. That is like I'm all. I'm just like having my funeral myself all the time. It did not click with everybody else say that to not click with everybody else but I just was kind of like trying to use my own perspective to come into this knowing or knowledge that I'm actually not going to live forever, at least not in this human form, and that's helping me slow down.

Speaker 2: 28:15

Was it? Was the funeral flag meant to be more of a reminder of the like, the final death, or was it also because I don't want to put words in your mouth? Like was it also a piece of like I'm dying daily, like I'm in a chrysalis now, like I am dying to my old self?

Speaker 1: 28:34

Kind of like always dying to your old self, like waking up a new, I don't know. There's kind of like lots of layers to it that I don't think I have a lot of articulate words about, but I just was in this moment trying to like look at death and look at my own fears and address like what, what can I get over to like become a better or bigger, bigger, better, better version of myself and like how can I, how can I get rid of, you know, like grudges and hurt and pain and triggers and like all of the stuff, so that I can like come into a bigger, a bigger, better, better version of what it is? I could be in the life and I didn't feel like, I guess, scared of speaking about death and it just was such a hilarious, like universal wink when I found this funeral flag. I just was by myself, like are you kidding me? This is too funny.

Speaker 1: 29:32

I was like that felt like just a joke, like I'm gonna carry this joke around, so just, I don't know it. Just it didn't feel like that serious but at the same time, like kind of, on a daily basis, what kind of life do I want to live really? How do I want to show up in the lives of others and in like a real sort of sentimental, in a real, in a real way. I guess it just was a way to ground a little deeper into the moment. Honestly, and the cartoon of me just like, also loved. It's like a literal funeral flag sticking on my backpack, which is just too funny. I think it's great.

Speaker 2: 30:08

So some of that led to some of the magic that you've experienced in this last year, I'm assuming. I believe so. Yes, yeah, okay, and so now you're gonna crystal this again, so I'm bringing you back to that. Yes, thank you. Here we are. So you are dying again to what there continues to be this theme pattern.

Speaker 1: 30:32

There's this, something that keeps coming up, which is like I really know I've talked to Robin worries about this. Bless that woman that I know how to. I know how to be small, I know how to be and I also know how to live like a very luxurious life on gross $25,000 a year, which is something I need to discuss by myself for a long time and maybe make some kind of show about. Yeah, wow, yeah, because that's what I was able to do with massage therapy. I was like how do I live this like really cool life where I don't have to work that much and make extremely little money? Yeah, anyway, so I just like really know how to do that and know how to live small. And I know how to be small and I know how to be really scrappy and like that kind of that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1: 31:19

And the question I'm carrying around since this last new moon cycle yeah, yeah, I said it is how big can I get? How big can I get? Hmm, yo, and there's another quote that I super love that I'm also carrying around right now, which is from the author, elizabeth Winkler, who's a sassy sass. She said they will dissolve into the sands of time, so do what you want and forget them, hmm.

Speaker 2: 31:51

So, as you're dying to smallness, also requiring you to let go of your care for how people perceive you? Is that what that quote means to you?

Speaker 1: 32:03

Yeah. So I think a lot of it is like, when you're in the same place, like it's been really easy for me to feel like I can change when I leave. I was able to write this album because I left, like I went and put myself in a physically different location and I didn't have the normal daily distractions and was like this is actually all we're doing right now.

Speaker 2: 32:21

We're not doing anything else.

Speaker 1: 32:22

That's just what we're doing and I'm not around anything familiar, I'm not around any distractions, I'm not around anything old, and so I was able to kind of like feel what it feels like to be a different frequency, like in actually a different part of the world.

Speaker 1: 32:37

There was a woman I used to work at a coffee shop and there was this woman that came in who kind of blew my mind. She just like had this field about her and I was like who's this lady? And she was saying that she moved to, like I don't even remember where it was, but she like oh yeah, I moved to Argentina and I found my lighting and I said I know what you said, I know what you just said, I know what that means. Never heard that before, but was like that makes total sense, that makes complete sense to me. So there have been locations in the world that I've gone where I felt like more at home or more you know I can. I just feel, I feel so much and I and I feel now that I've learned how to use that as the gift rather than feeling like it's a disability.

Speaker 2: 33:29

Yeah, I like that. We're coming full circle here, yeah, yeah, okay. So I want to talk about the album and I want to talk about it through this, this bit of this lens, because you and I have talked about, of course I got to bring in masculine, feminine framework stuff, right, yeah, yeah. And because you have always felt so much you were a yogi instructor too yoga, yogi yoga instructor.

Speaker 1: 33:53

Yeah, yeah, kind of in the universe, like the wellness universe. Like did did a mall, you did a mall yeah.

Speaker 2: 34:00

And you, you flowed in energy and you were perceptive of energy and you were aware of your energy and all of that is feminine, feminine essence, right? And you said something to me, which is what prompted us to set up this conversation around how you realized, like you had learned in real estate, that when you created framework I don't know what the freight, how you put it Do you remember what?

Speaker 1: 34:22

you said Well, yeah, something like I just have been really stunned at at utilizing the models of business through, through real estate to create, create structure in the day and put my put myself to task, instead of like coming up with what I'm going to do that day or or simply relying on there to be other appointments. It's like in previous career. It's just like, well, I'm working this to this time, I have this many appointments, whatever. And then now it's like it's really just like what, like what, what I choose, what I previously choose to like set in the calendar or whatever. And it's it's with that that I've been able to kind of like understand better how to utilize all the energy I feel like I really have access to and like funnel it into the right places. So the structure of real estate has given me so much because I have an ambig energy, but it's been able to help me funnel it and be focused in different areas of life.

Speaker 2: 35:30

So, rather than energy just being like stardust chaos, it's like the structure around it is giving it room to birth create.

Speaker 1: 35:42

So the masculine part has just been so helpful, because I'm thinking about the scaffolding of a building or the physical walls of this room and how so much good stuff can happen in here. But it's really like through around whatever prepositions you need inside of the structure that the magic of the feminine creativity can kind of flow in and take up the space, because masculine wants to empty and be the container and femininity wants to nest and come in and flow into the space and that's like so awesome. And so I mean, like I put myself to task. I was starting to feel really badly that I had not ever put music out, because I've been a musician like whole life.

Speaker 1: 36:33

And when people ask about this, I was starting to feel really badly that there wasn't ever. You know, like, oh, what do you do? Like, oh, I'm a musician, let's see it. What kind or what do you play? Like I don't know. Like there just wasn't anything, there wasn't anything to show for it. So that that was just. I don't know. I think it was just I was feeling some kind of way about that and just needed to see, you created a structure where you.

Speaker 2: 37:00

what was the structure that you created?

Speaker 1: 37:02

Yeah, so. So my man and I bought tickets to Thailand and I, right away, was like I'm gonna take myself to music camp by myself and I had equipment I like brought, I packed all my stuff, wanted to wanted to go, like, do that, like we. So so all of last year, all of 2022, my man and I lived out of a van. We went to bike race, to bike race, to bike race, and so when we did go buy tickets, move to Thailand, we just like, did not do any traveling. Yeah, we just moved to an apartment and chilled and I was like, what's CrossFit? So I started going to CrossFit and then put myself to task every day, like I'd go to the gym, go get a latte, go get some bakery, yummy goodness. Go go into the music portal and was I lost myself in there?

Speaker 2: 37:51

every day. That's wild.

Speaker 1: 37:55

It was so wild, like it was right away.

Speaker 2: 37:56

That's a lot of losing yourself.

Speaker 1: 37:57

It was right away. It was right away and this, this is something that I feel like I this just worked for me, because not that any of those circumstances are the point, but that the point was like my whole body was like yo, we, this is what we got to do get you pack your music stuff.

Speaker 2: 38:14

You felt it in your body. You were like I have something that needs to be happening right now.

Speaker 1: 38:20

Yep, yep, and I knew that that's what we had to do. Like it's sort of like this feeling of now or never, like you have to do this yeah so cool.

Speaker 1: 38:27

Yeah, just the little voice. You know the little voice and again, because my whatever upbringing and because of the work, the massage therapy work, and that it's so much, it's intimacy and it's like all this great stuff of just like being shut up and touch, you know you shut up and like be in this intimate container with people in their pain, and so it just has given me so much in terms of just like being quiet, being slow, coming into witnessing somebody in their pain has also helped me understand how to witness my own self in a way, I feel like there's so much I want to peel away.

Speaker 2: 39:07

What a gift. Yeah, what a freaking gift. Like it's just made, like I almost want to cry. I'm just like what? Like what is that about?

Speaker 1: 39:18

Because when you're witnessed, when you're witnessed in your pain, oh gosh, when I don't even know how to say this right, but I'm gonna try when I when I know that I have been witnessed in my pain, when I've sat in a circle with some women before it doesn't have to be women, but this particular circle, at one point, was just women I I just remember my mom.

Speaker 1: 39:42

My mom is sometimes really sick and it's a very, it's a very intense time for our family and I was just having some really bad shoulder pain, like it would. It would wake me up like the pain in my body, would wake me up like both shoulders, and it was just like kind of out of nowhere. And I remember sitting in this circle and it was like my turn to talk. So I'm like having this talking piece and I don't even know how long I talked, but I was allowed the time space to just talk and cry and talk and cry and talk and cry and talk and cry until I was done. Until I was done and it had probably been like eight weeks of like such bad shoulder pain that I could, I like would go to wave and be like, oh, never mind, I'll just like it was so intense and like like you wouldn't believe.

Speaker 1: 40:45

The next morning, after I had a very deep sleep, I woke up with no more shoulder pain. This is like not that long ago, it's like three years ago, yeah, and and that was so helpful. It was so helpful as a whole body, me whole body reminder like Say this, but I do feel like sort of masterful in that and the reason I think I feel that is because I am such a student in in real estate and now also in music, that like being able to step into these different roles and costumes and stuff like this gives me the contrast that I that feels beneficial for me to understand the sort of gravity, depth, the gift of being able to be present with people in their body pain, which is often also always like Emotional pain, psychological pain, physiological, you know, it's like there's so many and just feel into what the messages of the body are in in fact communicating. And I I feel strongly about this that I get how do I say this? I mean, I say this about how I got into real estate too is I just like get an instruction?

Speaker 1: 42:02

It's almost visual, it's almost like my head actually like opens up like a flap Like so gross. But then an instruction just drops in and it like fills up my whole, all of myself and I say, what, go to real estate school? What, okay, so we just then, we miss just me, we do it, and then it's never the wrong thing to have done so so I follow those things. And same thing happened with Thailand. I was terrified to go there because my business was rocking and I was like I can't leave. But all my cells were like what we're gonna?

Speaker 2: 42:33

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 42:35

So then I brought my stuff and just shut up and went to work and the framework really was loose. But I mean I had like specific things like okay, we're gonna watch three of these digital audio workspace videos a day and then we're gonna implement from this time to this time, and then, and then, like the album started to evolve out of the Basically very intense structure that I had set for myself.

Speaker 1: 42:55

It was not the goal Necessarily to like write a song or or anything like that, but just like I must learn to create the process, because all of last year I had had on my 411 or my to-do list to like write an EP, yeah, only really realizing that's like not an attainable. You know that's not like a thing you put on a list to do and what I actually need to do is create a process that's like a fun, enjoyable one, and you did it return to yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:28

Yeah. So I finally started learning like the production side and realized that I in fact had been like waiting for like the producer to show up so I could just like be the Singer or whatever, and then actually no, I'm just gonna be the producer and Like what I've listened to.

Speaker 2: 43:47

I'm like you're badass producer. Thank you, yeah, it's so good and more people need to hear it.

Speaker 1: 43:54

It's so fun. It is so fun, I'm learning so much fun. I didn't play any instruments on there. I don't think I would even claim any instruments that I play right now. I like write music on Pianos and guitars. I like understand chord structures and like understand how to write on them, but but when I perform with a guitar or piano, it's like not not the the highest version.

Speaker 2: 44:19

So vocalist then maybe your primary yeah yeah and good. So good.

Speaker 1: 44:24

Yeah, and that's what I focused. I mean, I that's, that's what it is, and I think I've also realized, like part of this chrysalis, like very uncomfortable, this really uncomfortable thing is it like I think I have this belief? I don't even think I should say, but there's, there's just been this, these kind of like Lack, lack, beliefs that like just being the vocalist isn't enough.

Speaker 2: 44:48

Mmm, I mean Recognizing that that's a lack belief in the first. We all have lack beliefs. They're all there. We all have limiting beliefs, yeah, yeah, and a lot of us don't even recognize that they're looping in our subconscious, like we just don't even know that they're there. So the fact that it's forward and you recognize it cool, cool, super cool, and You've walked into, you've walked out of that and into writing an album, yeah, and it's birthed and it's out there.

Speaker 2: 45:18

It's lovely and it's so fun, it's so good. Yeah, you are full, like there. I feel like we've just scratched the surface of what's happening in your mind, body, spirit. Yeah, we literally have just like Like barely scratched it. If you're a channel right now for the people that are listening to this, what is it that? That it needs to be said?

Speaker 1: 45:46

there's an artist who says this really great phrase, which is we need your art, we need it.

Speaker 2: 45:55

Tell me more about that I.

Speaker 1: 45:58

I feel so obsessed with asking everybody that I ever talked to about, like what, what do you create? What are you creating? What do you create? What are you creating? Everybody has the creator. You're the creator, I'm the creator, you're the creator.

Speaker 1: 46:09

And a lot of the time that gets expressed as artist. Not everybody feels that they identify with the word artist. But there is Creation, there is creator, and perhaps that's expressed as being a mom, that's expressed greatly as being the good cook, or maybe you are a painter, or maybe you make Houses, make make rooms, but there there is the creator, there is the creator, and what I feel like very and I feel very focused on is locating what that is in people, in the individual conversations that I'm having, because Everybody so far that I'm talking to about that feels there. Their energy really changes when they're like oh Well, let me tell you about it. You know, and it's so fun. It's so fun because it's like sure, like what's your job and like what are your kids names and stuff like that, but which are important things? Those are important things and I, the question I guess I used to ask is something like what do you like to do?

Speaker 1: 47:15

Yeah, I can't tell you. I can't tell you how many times you will be like what do you mean? They're like what do you mean? What do I like? And I was like I don't know how to be anymore direct. What do you like? Your shoes like. Do you like comedy? Like what I don't know? I just was trying to figure out what people like instead of what do you do for your job, because I thought that was a stupid question. But I have learned to like sort of work my way into that, little more nuanced maybe, but yeah, like I think the sort of question is Is something like that, like what is the creator in you?

Speaker 2: 47:55

Hmm I.

Speaker 1: 47:58

Like closeness, I like intimacy, I like to be able to get close enough to be sort of let in to, to what that is and and like love it, like be affectionate toward what it is. That's like lighting them up, you know, because it doesn't. This has also been helpful for me. I don't need, I Don't need to even like the art, or I don't even need to like you know what I mean Like it just matters that you're doing it.

Speaker 2: 48:26

Like the creation. Why does it matter? When you said we need your art, why does that matter?

Speaker 1: 48:31

Why does it matter that?

Speaker 2: 48:32

they're putting people, are putting their creation out.

Speaker 1: 48:35

I think it matters because they are participating in their own evolution in real time. That's what I think you were kind of saying earlier, and that's a phrase that I keep hearing myself say is like this is Participating in in the evolutionary process in real time, like it's real time and it's fast, like life.

Speaker 2: 48:51

I mean life, is you mean the big evolutionary?

Speaker 1: 48:54

process. I just mean like your personal evolution, which ultimately leads to like the bigger one, which is like the micro evolution, I guess, like in your daily life and like how you've changed over the last couple of years and how I feel like I've changed in the last year or two, three, whatever, and and participating in that brain, more consciousness in Into it, I think also kind of brings you more perhaps into the moment of it, and then you're able to time travel because your senses are awake to when you're making the nice stew or whatever, and you're like, wow, I just love how this cutting board feels and I love how it smells in this room and I love how this rug feels on my feet and what I. You know, you're like really drawn into this, like magical moment of just like making soup or whatever, but you're like actually engaged with the creator in that moment. You know, or maybe you're not, but if you are, you're able to remember it more, like from these sort of sense-based memories, and I think you're able to then, I Don't know, like access a little bit more magic, and maybe that's just.

Speaker 1: 49:55

It is that I, I really like the idea of living this very magical life and it's pretty sense bound, you know, like being in the senses, like in the moment of like this chair feels really nice and I really wanted to wear my sit-down shoes, even though so it's, it's some silliness too, but I think, in a real way, like engaging with what it? What is it that wants that you want to be doing, what's pulling you? And Hunger, in this metaphor or this story of the soup or whatever is like I'm hungry. What's like a fun and beautiful, enjoyable way for me to, like you Know, solve that issue of hunger or whatever you know, and and that's that's also creator energy. So thank you for.

Speaker 2: 50:43

Having the courage to die.

Speaker 1: 50:44

I mean I wouldn't say I have that, but I got a funeral flag die daily.

Speaker 2: 50:48

You know, die daily is what I mean, and thank you for showing up as yourself. It's a gift to the world. Okay, I love you. I love you too. Do you love me or them?

Speaker 1: 51:00

I love you and I love you.

Speaker 2: 51:04

Goodbye, goodbye, hey you yes you. Thank you for tuning in today. I hope this episode is supporting you on your path to becoming the strongest, shiniest version of you. My goal and hope is to continue helping people through this podcast, so if you've enjoyed this episode or taken anything that's helped you out, the best Thank you would be to join me in moving this forward by doing two simple things. If you haven't already following the podcast, is it very helpful. Also, apparently, the algorithms really like reviews. If you can take a minute to leave a review, artificial intelligence would love it and I would be so grateful. Feel free, of course, to share an episode with someone you think may need to hear what you heard today. Thanks again, everyone. I genuinely appreciate you and I'm so thankful to be building a community like this together here. I'll catch you later. In the meantime, have a banging day.