Finding Love vs. Becoming Love & Modern Relationship Paradigms (A Weebang)

Speaker 1: 0:00

Feminine practice is ultimately about amplifying the love that we are, so the masculine practice is ultimately about being liberated to consciousness. So the gift that the masculine brings to the relationship or to the world is clarifying power, it is clarity, it is direction and clarity, grounded clarity, the gift that the feminine energy brings is actually energy, energy in the form of love and light and radiance and fullness and nourishment. And so if you want to be in a more polarized relationship so that I can be more in my feminine and that my partner would be more in their masculine, and so then my practice is to really focus on amplifying love, and then my partner's practice would be to focus on like being consciousness and being witness to, and bringing clarity and framework and space. Hello, it's me, your host, jen, and fellow journeyer on this path of learning how to reintegrate feminine energy into the boardroom. So we'll talk about things like conscious capitalism and leading with vulnerability and awareness and connection and play. We'll be diving into the bedroom. So, basically, we're going to talk about the horizontal bombo. In all seriousness, we're going to look at how to create a deeper level of intimacy and connection in your romantic partnerships, but also in all of our relationships. I think we've become so disconnected. So how do we gain that in our relationships? And then we're going to look beyond that into any tool or practice that helps us become more magnetic and more full. So manifestation techniques, meditation and personal development approaches that will help us move through challenges to step into our brightest, fullest, most magnetic version of ourselves. It's all the things. It is the whole shebang. So buckle up buttercups we're diving in Today.

Speaker 1: 2:29

It's a wee bang. For those of you that don't know, I have been indulging in a little show called Outlander on Netflix and the main characters from Scotland and I watch it enough. I wouldn't say I'm binging, but I watch a little bit every other day probably, but enough where about 50% of the time the dialogue in my mind is in a Scottish accent. So I know the last mini episode was a half shebang, but I just could not help myself. I have a close friend who was like Jen. Your branding might not be totally on point all the time, but I can't help it. I'm going with a wee bang today. I think it's so funny.

Speaker 1: 3:13

Okay, so this wee bang is motivated by some 2am musings. I could not sleep last night for no particular reason. Happens to me a few times a week lately, except that when I woke up, I was thinking about this new online workshop that I'm doing with John Weinland. It's on his website. It's a ton of pre-recorded like workshops, live workshops he did previous years, and then a bunch of embodiment practices and meditations and really powerful stuff. That's been overwhelmingly delicious and lovely. So I woke up and just like couldn't stop thinking about it. I almost came out to my recording studio at 3am to record, but didn't.

Speaker 1: 4:04

So I'm here now and I mentioned this before that my hope when I started this podcast, and will continue to be, is that this part of this is like real time learning and real time processing, and so that's what this is. This is like if you put cookies in the oven and you took them out like two minutes too early and they're baked around the edges but they're so gooey in the middle but they're hot all the way through, and then you put them on ice cream and they're like the best thing you've ever had, except they're not fully baked. That's what you're getting from me today. I think it's pretty yummy stuff, but it's like not. I haven't fully learned it and I'm going to learn a little bit more by teaching some of what I've learned with you today. So I've got two main topics, and the first one I'm going to talk about is what John Weinland calls an occurring world, and this is in the context of a relationship. But I will say that I have seen this play out in more than relational, like romantic, partner patterns in my life.

Speaker 1: 5:11

So you can think of an occurring world kind of like a worldview, or I like to think about it as like this story that we've grown up believing or telling ourselves, based on, often, experiences that we've had in our childhood. So I'm not going to go rehash my whole childhood. If you want to hear more, you can tune into episode one, but for today, I had a brother who struggled with mental illness and drug abuse. I had a father who lived a few hours away at some points in my life and loved me to pieces but wasn't physically or emotionally present. I had a mother who had to work a couple of jobs and loved me to death, but sometimes I mean she was there sometimes too, but sometimes wasn't emotionally or physically present for us.

Speaker 1: 6:01

So I didn't realize this until relatively recently that my occurring world was that I was lovable like super lovable, but that there wasn't space for me, that there wasn't, that people in my world either didn't have the time or like the emotional capacity, like my dad really, I think he actually had kind of like OCD anxiety, something where he had a really hard time getting out of his house and just like wouldn't make the drive to see us, loved us, and I knew that but didn't have capacity to like build a relationship and be there for us in like really powerful ways until the until the very end of his life, really honestly. But so that was kind of my occurring world. I don't know that I've boiled it down to one sentence yet, but just essentially that there, that that that there wouldn't be space for all of me to show up, and I think I spoke about this in like the episode that I put out on fear, that I was realizing that was coming up when I was putting this podcast out. I've I've felt it in certain points in work that I'm like, oh man, if I, if I kind of bring my whole self to the table, are people going to be able to like, is there going to be room for me there, kind of? And um, I've chosen to step like into that rather than just rewriting that which I'm going to talk about in a second.

Speaker 1: 7:27

I wish I would have learned this like four months ago, but I just decided, like, even though I was feeling that fear and feeling that anxiousness, that I was going to step into launching the podcast. I was going to step into a relationship previously, or do you know, do these things? In spite of feeling that way, and what I will say in the last few months? Um, that has been really lovely. Oh, there's some emotion here. Um is that the world is proving me wrong? Um, that there are people that do have capacity and that have desire um to hear this conversation, to be a part of this topic. That, um, that not only like and this just isn't about me being lovable, I think this is also about love like capital L, universal love on top of that. So, the the context of the conversation is so integral to me, to humanity, but, um, it's been so beautiful to be proven wrong that there is space for me for this.

Speaker 1: 8:39

So, needless to say, the way that we view the world, or our occurring world, is a lens through which we see everything. It's literally like putting on a pair of glasses that are colored and seeing everything through that color. It is maybe another name for it is a bias. So if I have this belief or this occurring world that there isn't space for me and I get into a relationship I'm going to look for, or the old occurring world me would look for or would only see the patterns that would prove that story right, like oh, yep, see, he didn't show up for me when I needed him to, or like, and then you miss all of the other good things.

Speaker 1: 9:23

So some of the other common occurring worlds, some examples, so that maybe you can kind of think well, what, what is mine? First of all, you might want to think back to, like your childhood and just different patterns and kind of what you learned about love. So for some people it's like everyone I love leaves me, so like they're going to leave me. For some it's love is transactional, like I only get love if I give something. It's performative sort of. For some it might be I'm too much. For a lot of men it's I'm not enough.

Speaker 1: 9:59

And so if you show up to the relationship with that occurring world thinking I'm not enough and I'll never be good enough, and a woman is asking for something more than it's like we'll see. There we go. I'm never good enough. And you might miss all of the things where, where your partner man or woman, for that matter the feminine is saying, oh, you're amazing, you're more than enough. And so that occurring world shapes. It works kind of two ways it becomes a filter through which we see things. It also, I think, starts to attract that in, but then it also it also creates the world.

Speaker 1: 10:40

So if I show up with an occurring world that everyone I love leaves me and I have this mind blowing experience in a relationship to start for six weeks but then kind of sneaks in the suspicion that they're going to leave me I'm seeing everything again through those color of glasses and I'm like, oh yep, there's a signal he's getting ready to leave, he's getting ready to bolt, and I'm missing everything else. And then pretty soon I'm, maybe subconsciously, starting to push the person away or I'm putting walls up because I'm afraid of getting hurt and I start self-sabotaging and then, guess what? The relationship disintegrates and they quote unquote leave and you go. Oh see, everyone I love leaves me. And so you, the belief that you showed up with, actually created the pattern to happen again. So a couple of things about this occurring world that we're like whoo, like really mind blowing to me. One is that your body actually takes the shape of your occurring world, and so let me give an example of that.

Speaker 1: 11:42

If I let's say I have an occurring world that, um, that I'm unlovable and that I'm invisible, nobody can see me and like nobody appreciates me, and I'm just like unlovable and I'm feeling insecure, you can imagine what my body would look like, right, like I might walk into a room looking down at the floor, I might have kind of my shoulders hunched over or might move a little slow and shuffle my feet, but my body starts to take the shape of an invisible woman, right, um, the converse of that is true and this is really powerful. So I've taught I've been taught from a lot of different facets that our belief is the first thing that happens in life. Like we have a subconscious belief, it becomes a conscious belief. Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become Habits and habits shaped by our life. And I still believe that that's all true.

Speaker 1: 12:43

But there's this other sort of then diagram or like spider web that we are, that is mind, body, spirit, and it's not linear. It is interconnected. So when I change the shape of my body, my thought will closely, closely follow my spirit. What's inside of me will closely follow. So not only will your body follow your thoughts, you can change the shape of your body and start to change your belief. So if my new occurring world is that there's more than enough space for all the love that I am, then I can put my shoulders back and put my chest up and imagine emanating love and walk into a room and the belief, the thoughts, the energy will follow the fact that I've changed the shape of my body. That's super powerful.

Speaker 1: 13:42

The other thing to note on on your body this is sort of a side note is that your body can also take the shape of your desire. So, like for the feminine, feminine energy is really full and loves to like continue to be full. Like she's never satisfied. Sorry, fellas, this is actually like very anti what I think society has taught. This is one thing I heard today.

Speaker 1: 14:12

John Weinlinde was talking about like this woman was like. Well, I just heard that like men want sex all the time and he's like no, not true. Men want to ejaculate because they want to be free of the desire to like have sex. So they want to like, hurry up and do that so they can be like okay, now I can go relax, now I can be free. They want liberation. Men want freedom. Or the masculine Sorry, not just men the masculine in all of us wants liberation and freedom. The feminine wants to be like full and ravished and like continually satisfied. So once you get her going, once you pop, she can't stop.

Speaker 1: 14:56

But so, like for the feminine, whether you're a man or woman, if you identify with that feminine part of yourself that your body can take the shape of that. So if you have a desire to be like consumed, imagine the shape that your body would take if you were like I want to be taken. Maybe I'll leave it there. I'm going to not go any further. This would be way more fun talking with a girlfriend, or a guy friend for that matter, about these topics. But I'll just leave you with those thoughts on that topic about occurring world and your body. Now we're going to continue on this path.

Speaker 1: 15:33

Here's the other thing. So the work of the feminine, because the feminine practice is ultimately about amplifying the love that we are. So the masculine practice is ultimately about being liberated to consciousness. So the gift that the masculine brings to the relationship or to the world is clarifying power, it is clarity, it is direction and clarity, grounded clarity, the gift that the feminine energy brings is actually energy, energy in the form of love and light and radiance and fullness and nourishment. And so, if you want, for me, if I'm going to be in a relationship again, I want to be in a more polarized relationship so that I can be more in my feminine and that my partner would be more in their masculine. And so then my practice is to really focus on amplifying love, and then my partner's practice would be to focus on like being consciousness and being witnessed to and bringing clarity and framework and space. Again, I'm going to continue to reiterate, when I talk about polarity, that we all have masculine, feminine, and that I dance between the two of those and that I also lean more into my masculine in my work. But in a romantic partnership this is the art of polarity is that I can play with what I've got and then move in more into my feminine energy, coming back to it.

Speaker 1: 17:13

The idea is to amplify love. So how do we do that? The main way that we do that is really simple and it is not very easy all the time and it is to soften. So we have three centers within our body that tend to close up physiologically, that close up our emotions and sort of our energy and our spirit, and that is our throat, our heart and our cervix. And you can probably feel, if you get like still enough right now, like where there's tension internally in your body and when you're triggered, or if you're carrying your own trauma or if you've been hurt by the masculine in the past, you've probably put up shields and so the thought of being soft and open is like the ultimate sacrifice for you. It's like the ultimate, oh my god. And if you identify with being feminine at the core, you probably really really long for that, but it feels like maybe the most vulnerable thing you can do and it is pretty vulnerable.

Speaker 1: 18:22

So men, if you're listening, know that if a woman is softening to you and surrendering to you, whether it's sexually or emotionally or just giving you the ability to lead and bring direction, that is hard for a lot of women because of history, right Like we've been hurt or whatever, so softening or people haven't been there for us, so we've closed up. We have a lifetime of being closed up and tense internally and it is hard work to soften to that. It's actually not that hard, but it is a very particular choice to make. So the mode that we do that, which again is really simple, is through breath, and we live in a society where we move really, really fast and we've lost connection to our breath. So we're like in our head and we're like hardly breathing. But when you take a deep breath and then breathe that oxygen into your parts of your body that are carrying tension, you'll feel them soften.

Speaker 1: 19:35

So your practice, my practice, feminine practitioners throughout the day, is to notice when we're closing and when we're getting tense and breathe into it and soften. And what I'm coming to learn is that beyond that it's not very complex, because then we become an open channel for love and love just moves and then we just respond. We respond to what the moment wants with what love wants in that moment. So when we find ourselves ruminating on a thought and getting in our heads, that's like the worst place we can be. We don't want our attention on our thoughts, we want our attention on space, on pleasure, on breath, on movement. So we want to overwhelm the thoughts with action, and so part of the practice is breath, but part of it can be dance and movement and embodiment practices, which I won't get all into today, but feminine beings that I'm speaking to right now. If that's who you and I and you identify with, that your heart is the gift and I guess I'll wrap this. We bang up with these thoughts that I've been having.

Speaker 1: 20:52

If you've been following me at all on Instagram for a while, you know, probably going back to a few years ago. I have been talking a lot about love and I've been having a hard time articulating like what I mean by love, especially giving my religious background. So I had an experience I remember it very poignantly because I had just ruptured my ACL, walking through a bar with my girlfriend, julia down in Austin, texas, and it was my daughter's birth date, my oldest daughter. So it was June 7th, the day after I ruptured it and was in a hotel room, kind of nursing my knee and getting ready to post a post for my daughter and going through old pictures of her from when she was a baby, and I started to feel this feeling welling up like in the center of my chest, kind of like when you get butterflies in your stomach. But it wasn't butterflies, it was literally like a full feeling in my chest. And then I let that continue to happen because I had had that experience with grief of like. Instead of just like shutting down the emotion, I'm just gonna let it flow and see what happens here.

Speaker 1: 22:02

So I kept looking through pictures and I just kept thinking about her and then love is what showed up capital L, universal love, connected to God, connected to source, and it was the most overwhelming, saturating. I was being completely amplified by love in that moment. I think I posted a post on like love being an ocean. I had a visual of like my heart being connected to a source that is an endless source of love and, coincidentally or not, like John Weinland in the workshop I listened to today, talks about that. So it's been very validating for me to go oh, these experiences I've had aren't crazy. They're universal experiences about what it feels like to be filled with love. And that experience that day was like every cell in my being was buzzing with like love and still overflowing. And then I was like, oh, I wanna never not have that feeling anymore. Well, of course we're human, we go throughout the day. We forget to be tapped into that. But that would be the ultimate right that's the practice of the feminine would to be constantly like, be closely in communion with that.

Speaker 1: 23:19

And when I started getting into this polarity work I've mentioned a couple of times that it was this thought that like I wanna attract more masculine partner I thought the work was about attracting a partner and thankfully I've come to learn that it is not about that. The work is about becoming love. It's not about finding love, it's about becoming love and when you become love, you have a greater chance of attracting a partner. That is consciousness and love. And then the partner becomes about the work. So the work isn't about finding the partner, and if you do get a partner, the partner becomes about the quote, unquote work, which is that the relationship becomes a container where I would have more opportunity to learn how to amplify love in the face of resistance. I would have more opportunity to be sharpened and to become love in a different way. I would have an opportunity to be penetrated by love. I mean that's like the history of the divine feminine is to be seen, to be opened, to be known, to be consumed, to be penetrated by love A place in my heart. That can only happen within that container. So I feel really full right now. I'm not like searching for a person because I don't feel like I'm in a place of need. I feel really full. But the relationship brings an opportunity for both people to go deeper into the work that impacts one another and that is in service to capital L love and in service to whatever love wants to work through the world, which is pretty beautiful.

Speaker 1: 25:20

Maybe one last thought that I wanted to share that, historically speaking, we needed each other in relationships. We needed provision, we needed to procreate, we needed a partner to survive, basically, and that's all changed for everybody. Like women can have babies without men. Now we can survive on our own. Men can watch AI porn that it's all about porn. But I'm just saying like we all have ways that we can get those needs met in other ways. Now Society is working really hard to make us pretty self-sufficient. The really powerful and beautiful thing about that is that now the relationship becomes about amplifying love and consciousness and creating something very different and I would say divine, and having an experience that is only unique to a relationship that you can't have outside of a relationship. So, if you're like.

Speaker 1: 26:26

I was talking to a friend awhile ago as a man and he was like it's confusing, because we're like, well, what are we needed for? Women are like, well, I don't need a man which is kind of true, and men like you don't need a woman for the things that you need either. We don't need each other. We get to choose each other now. Just pretty damn cool. Okay, that's all I have for today. Those are some half-to-bake cookie. We bang thoughts. We do have an amazing episode coming up on Wednesday my good friend Robin gosh. It's gonna be good. A lot of big thinking stuff. It's part one of three in a series that I'm doing around dreaming, visioning and setting goals and plans. So tune in this week. Thanks for tuning in today. I hope that these thoughts are spurring on little glimmers in your hearts and minds. Okay, have a bangin' day. I'll catch you next time. Bye.